I realize I've been quiet lately when you've talked about "the lifestyle". I know you want my thoughts. It's been hard to sit down and think of them. Here goes:
I enjoy the hotwife lifestyle. A lot. I am not anywhere near invoking a "veto". I suppose that blogging and checking out forums is my way of trying to figure out that my abnormalcy is "normal". Haha. The truth is that many married men fantasize about their wives fucking. I just happen to be among those that do. As strange as it may seem, the more you've played, the more exciting it's become. I don't feel jealous. When you play, I get antsy that you are safe, and that you are having a good time. I want you to have a good time. It excites me a lot. I definitely feel an "angst" but I don't think of it as jealousy. I like to share :)
The fact is, if you never fucked another man besides me again, I would be fine, and it would still be exciting for you to tease me about it. I really do love it during sex when you dirty talk about your naughty exploits, all the virile studs that want your naughty MILF cougar pussy. No regrets.
Hotwifing is intended to boost your self esteem. That's a big benefit of it. I think it works wonders on your confidence when things are working right. I don't want to see you so bummed out about some bum. I really don't understand why all the flakiness. From the blogs and forums I've seen, it sounds pretty common, if that makes you feel any better.
I had sort of envisioned a scenario where you have multiple play partners to overcome the flake situation. That way, you get a variety of men to sample from, all the while exciting me as the cuckold husband. I feel better about that from the standpoint of you getting less chance of "attaching". I take your word for it that you will talk to me if you ever feel like you are getting too close emotionally, and we would do something about it.
I have a lot of fantasies running through my head. I really do like the idea of you sending me naughty photos from your "dates" and - I think <previous lover's> idea of me driving you around while you play in the back is very hot, and I didn't even think of it! Someone as perverted as me!
I obviously really, really want to watch you fuck. I like the idea of the swinger party. Just watch and see if the vibe (haha) is right. Maybe meet a former lover there? For a convenient place to play?
So, I am not sure I'm really helping. I like you owning and exploring your sexuality. I can see the confidence in you grow, and I really like that since confidence is so sexy.
I am enjoying this journey.
I have a lot on my mind. I am conflicted about a few things. I have concluded that I clam up when you talk about your lovers because it excites me so much that I feel a need to restrain myself so that I do not "top from the bottom" (or is that cuckold from the bottom?).
My other main conflict has to do with dominance and submission. Another post.
Love you my dear Queen Suzy.