Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Craving domination ~ a lovesick puppy

We are having end of the year craziness and not having any time together.  I feel like a lovesick puppy.

I am feeling two things.  I absolutely crave being dominated by her.  I am 100% sub.  When she dominates me, I feel alive, accepted, and loved.  It isn't that my love for her is contingent on her being dominant with me, but it does enhance it in a way I can't fully explain.

I kept my kinky desires from her for many years.  I've always been a very sexual person with a high libido (polite way of saying I am always horny).  During the first 15 years of our marriage, she was never open to doing anything kinky.  I am so grateful that the past few years she is opened to it.  And she really does enjoy it.  She enjoys controlling my orgasms, ball torture, and her own climaxes.  She likes our sex play.

Female sexuality is amazing to me, I still can't figure it out.  I am a very analytical person.  I know that if I shake a martini, I am going to enjoy drinking it.  To me, this is a very straightforward antecedent -> reward situation.  Hearing the noise of the ice banging in the shaker makes me happy ~ I know I'm going to get something good.  I've never not enjoyed a martini.  Even a bad martini (say, too much or too little vermouth or no twist) is still REALLY good, and I enjoy.

Likewise, my wife REALLY enjoys her orgasms.  For reasons that aren't obvious to me, her climaxes have improved by orders of magnitudes.  It's hard to define if I am jealous or simply in awe of her sexuality.  My own orgasms, frankly, seem to be diminished.  Not sure why.

But my wife doesn't seem to have a clear antecedent (sex play with me) -> sexual/relationship fulfillment.  She doesn't say to herself, "if I play with my husband, it will draw us closer in intimacy and I will experience earth-shattering pleasure".  Even though that's a true statement (from both of our perspectives), she doesn't have that kind of motivation.  She gets caught up, lost in the worries of employment/family life.  In her words, she doesn't have time for that.

I would love to be at her beck and call, sexually.  To be "forced" to give her cunnilingus every night to "relax" her for the troubles of the next day.  It is my submissive fantasy to be her sex slave.

If we were to switch roles, and I were the dominant and she were submissive - and I could "demand" fellatio every night, and she enjoyed that act and submitting in that way, I would have no problem "requiring" a blowjob every night.  I love receiving a blowjob.  She hates giving me a blowjob.  It's just not in the cards.

So, what to make of this?  Perhaps it is the curse of having mis-matched libidos.  This seems to be pretty common with couples.  I do know that I love my bride more than ever and I want to be with her all the time.  It's not 100% sexual, not by a long-shot.  But exploring our fantasy life has definitely enhanced our intimacy together, no question about it.  And while vanilla sex is fun and better than no sex -- I really have no desires to go back to "vanilla".  I love her dominating me way too much.  I am a lovesick puppy for her.

12 comments:

  1. I too crave being dominated. I know when I do as ordered I'm pleasing her and keeping her happy. As she says I'm her boy-toy and she can do what she desires with me. I love that I must submit my body to her for her pleasure. Even when she is giving me a punishment I'm willing to present my bottom to her for said punishment and enjoy the fact that she is punishing me because she cares for me and loves me. When the punishment is over I do feel so loved and cared for.
    archedone

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    1. archedone,
      Might I suggest that you blog yourself? I know there are a lot of submissive men that would like to hear more from you!
      -rooster

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  2. This is the same issue I have noticed with my wife. The other night, I ate her to orgasm. It had been awhile, and she said it was so good that she doesn't know why she doesn't ask of it more. But she doesn't. I've resigned to the fact that most men and women don't see sex the same way. Sure, you have your nymphomaniacs out there, but most women just don't need sex even if they enjoy it. It is a sad reality for kinky men like us who live a vanilla life.

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    1. yep, preaching to the choir. I wish I could better understand the female perspective. She said that we would have sex last night, but we got a bit of bad news and I was not really in the mood (very rare, but it happens). She mentioned very casually this morning, well, I scheduled sex for last night, and I have things to do tonight. Missed your chance. Said it very matter of factly, like I had missed any other appointment.

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  3. It is unfortunate lovetosubmit that your wife doesn't take the command you want her to and turn you into her sex slave on a 24/7 basis but I guess you have to be satisfied with what she gives you. Good luck.

    FD

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    1. "I can't complain, but sometimes I still do"

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  4. In my case, I've noticed that when my wife gets a good orgasm, he wants another one sooner than when she gets a so-so one. Now that she is sick and can;t really enjoy herself that much, my sex life has gone South.

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    1. Sorry to hear that, vs-boy. I hope she gets better. Interesting, my wife used to require two orgasms per session. I would give her one first and she would sometimes even use the vibe herself. Even though she is very capable of multiple orgasms, she only wants one. One time she said it hurt her stomach.

      I hope she feels better.

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  5. I completely relate to every bit of this. I dream of being my wife's submissive sex slave. I would do anything for her, but she just isn't interested at anywhere near that level.
    Is there really such a thing as a nymphomaniac? Or is that just another male fantasy?
    I was very frustrated this past weekend because I had expected that we would have some type of sex scene while our daughter was away.
    But no, just as you said, my wife is too busy for that.
    I was rather despondent and thinking that maybe if we switched roles and I dominated her I could at least get sex when I wanted it. I mumbled something to my wife about I thought I should change my sexual orientation. She thought I meant become homosexual!
    The next day she treated me to very hot, dominant sex!
    Yes, sometimes it really does help to communicate!

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    1. haha, well I am glad it worked out for you. I struggle with communicating sex with her.

      Having a wife that is difficult to keep up with sexually (a nymphomaniac) ~ that would be a great problem to have. Not sure that they exist, though =)

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  6. Guys, I can totally relate and am in the same on many occasions. Then, I simply go to my anchor point of understand in my role as a submissive husband in a very loving marriage. It's not about me. It's never about me and it's something I knew I had to embrace from the very beginning. I have found that there are plenty of things I can do to stoke her fire such as flowers, true, loving doting on her (not the kind that is veiled topping from the bottom). The thing I have discovered that stoke her fire the most .... doing what I am told in non-sexual things. Chores, clothes, dishes. Execute on the non-sexual things in your FLM and I'm sure her mind will be seduced.

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  7. I get you on the differing libidos. I don't exactly have a big libido, even though I'm a very sexual person. I'm not sure whether it's specific to female sexuality, but I'll give you my perspective in case it's helpful in any way.

    For me, as you say, it's not as simple as sex play->sex fulfillment. Or maybe it's that I don't need that fulfillment as often. If I have the chance to eat my favourite meal when I'm already full, I still won't, even though it tastes great. If I'm not craving it, then I'm just not craving it.

    There are so many things I want to do in a day, and my sex drive only surfaces when something inspires me and sparks it, making me hungry again. It's not something that's always there. It might be able to be brought to the surface by foreplay, but if I'm not inspired or my mind is occupied by other things, then it might not.

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