Sunday, October 26, 2014

Finding balance

After our intense session a week ago Thursday, we have not had any significant intimate contact.  In fact, one thing that stuck with me after our session was that my Queen said something like "now you can leave me alone for a few days".

I have been pondering this statement along with my "orgasm hangover" from my sexual release.  It is indeed the case that I basically left her alone and had little interest in sex after that session.  I did not have the raging hormones that compel me to have physical contact and intimate relations with her.  For me, it is sort of like Inigo Montoya in the Princess Bride, after he killed the six fingered man to avenge his father.  He sort of seems confused about what to do.  Sexually speaking, I can relate to that.

Adding to this melancholy, my Queen has been out of town for several days.  Under ordinary circumstances, that means that she enjoys me being locked up in the chastity cage.  She does not allow me to be locked up that often, I think because she enjoys the difficulty of the honor system for me, and she likes seeing/feeling my erection when she denies me orgasm.  However, if we are physically separated, neither of those things applies, so she typically enjoys me being locked up in those circumstances.

This doesn't happen that often, and frankly, I was kinda looking forward to being locked up.  But she also does not like "topping from the bottom" and I know her preferences well enough to know that "suggesting" that I be locked would not be a good move.  Adding to this backdrop, she has been quite stressed at work, and part of why she was gone is to get away from her stressors.  Adding a needy sub to the mix was probably not something she wanted.

In reality, this was a terrible time for me to be locked anyway.  I had an important work meeting on Friday and being locked would have been a distraction I didn't need.  And, I had to run the household while she was gone, which is always shockingly difficult.  My duties involved getting up very early both weekend mornings to ferry my seed around to distant places that potentially would be challenging to deal with for a locked male.

I had thought about self-locking, but ultimately chose not to.  I do not know what her reaction would be if I show up in our bedchamber tonight caged.  I have no clue.  She could say, "oh, wow, I am glad you did that, I forgot about that"; or she could get upset that I took initiative.  This is simply a case where a male has no idea where how his wive would land on this issue.

Alas, I will see my Bride tonight.  She has texted me several times that she loves me, but nothing dirty or checking in if I've been "good".  She did say she wants "hugs".  She can be ambiguous about what she means by this, it could mean cuddles tonight, or as we refer to "my kind of cuddles" which is sex play.  Also, very hard for me to figure out which way we will go.

With the title "finding balance" I was thinking I would discuss a healthy view of sex between married couples.  I don't think I have that balance, I am either super horny for her (most times) or I am feeling a bit mopey/orgasm hangover-y/sad that she is gone.  What's it like to be "normal"?


  1. i love to be locked in chastity, the longer it is locked on the more submissive i become.

    1. indeed, I change a lot when I am denied. From my perspective, about 10 days is where I need to be released, with at least a couple of tease/denial sessions thrown in there. Longer than that, I get a little too focused on sex and can't concentrate as well.

    2. 10 days!!!
      after 30 days, i am ready to be sooo attentive to HER that i would crawl a mile and do ""ANY THING"" SHE tells me to do.

  2. Unfortunately, I'm afraid normal just isn't in the cards for us. I'm in the same boat; if I'm not super horny, I have little desire if at all. I actually wrote an entry last week about my never ending cycle and I don't know where I belong.

    Sometimes I really wish I didn't have a kinky side and could be completely satisfied with vanilla sex in regular intervals. Then again, marriages eventually get dull that way too.

    1. Yes, I agree. I would say that my kinky desires were very repressed for a long time. They've always been there, though. I suspect I will make a post about "different loving", a show with people with weird sex fetishes. It's weird, I really look forward to pleasuring her and being denied.
      Normal is not in the cards for me, for sure.