I have to provide gentle and loving foreplay for her to get aroused and ready for sex. I suppose that is the "making love" part. But after she is wet, sex gets much rougher.
If intercourse is in the cards, I will likely mount in the missionary position, which amounts to almost 200 pounds of flesh pinning her down. She does not like me to be slow and gentle. PiV intercourse is all about friction in the genitals, and more and more we are getting into her pinching my nipples hard during sex. If I am allowed to come, there is a huge mess. I have a mixture of our juices on my cock, and the scent of sex lasts until I shower (and sometimes after ~ I have felt her scent on my fingers even after washing my hands!). For her, my semen stays inside her through the night and she often texts me that she is still oozing it out during the day.
If intercourse isn't in the cards, we often use the Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator, which is a beast. I can't take that stimulation in my genitals. But it gets her off, and we have a routine where I finger a certain spot to maximize her pleasure.
If she gives me a handjob, she is quite rough with me, slapping or squeezing my balls.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE all this. The roughness, the mess, the pain, the animalistic nature of a coupling.
But let's consider cunnilingus. I believe it is more "making love". I am super excited that we are doing more of this. I have not been the best at this throughout our marriage, but I feel like I am turning the corner.
Where did I fail before? Well, I don't have a clitoris, and I don't intuitively know what she wants. She historically gave me little feedback. Sure, I read "She comes first", but I don't think I really "got" it until recently. I have to go very slow at first. This was always hard for me to understand. I suppose I still can't believe that a woman wants me between her legs, and I get all excited and lose it. I want her to come so bad. I have had success caressing her inner thighs a lot, and teasing her lips and building up her excitement. I don't go for the clitoris until maybe a good minute or two, and then very slow and circuitously.
This is "making love" as I perceive the term. Very gentle and slow and loving.
Once she can accept direct clit stimulation, she wants a decent amount of tongue pressure. Where I went wrong before was using the tip of my tongue and strongly "attacking" her little nub of pleasure. That's not what she wants - she wants firm but consistent tongue pressure that is best delivered with the full width of my tongue. I know that once she begins to moan, I am to keep doing what I am doing until she climaxes. A mistake I made in the past was to accelerate my pressure and/or speed when I knew she was close to her orgasm - that's what I want when she is jacking me off. That effectively ruins it for her. Stay the course!
It takes her a long time to climax from oral sex (she sometimes apologizes for it). The vibrator gets her off in seconds but my guess is that I am down there making love to her clitoris for over ten minutes. It's a slow, loving process that cannot and should not be hurried. It is making love to her body in a very intimate way.
After her orgasm, she is glowing and seems paralyzed. I usually will caress her inner thighs, breasts, and pussy lips. She does not allow me to kiss her, but I certainly would do that if she did. She needs time to take it in, and I do feel that it is extremely romantic and loving how I care for her body when she is in the post-orgasm state. There is really no mess and fluids on the bed, just on my lips and chin. I love her scent and taste. I have been really getting off on putting her clothes back on afterwards, but this isn't entirely necessary if there is no semen mess. She may simply want to fall asleep at that point or she may tease me or she may allow for intercourse.
But whatever direction she chooses, if I have successfully brought her to orgasm with my tongue, I have made love to the woman I love. And it is a very feminine version of sex: slow, loving, clean, and tender.
I so want to make love to her right now.