If I were to explain some of our sex play to a "vanilla" male friend, I am pretty sure he would think I was nuts. Some of the things my wife does to me, superficially seem mean. But, I am a submissive, there is no doubt about it. I have a very high stress job and it is very arousing for me to surrender control and have her be "the boss" in our bedroom activities. I seem happiest when she is sexually satisfied and she is "cruel" to me.
And, some of what we both enjoy causes physical pain to me. Blue balls, cock and ball torture, spanking, etc. Its something we both enjoy. Frankly, I'd like it if I were spanked more. We have been talking more about humiliation in our play.
Last night was a good example. She went to some ladies night out (which always makes me think they are going to talk about sex and makes me fantasize about her telling other women the virtues of a female led sex life) and when she got home she was really tired.
She is on her period, and I really wanted her to come. It just seems like a nice, natural way to fall asleep. She refused, and then I asked if I could come, and she said, "absolutely not, if I don't come you don't come". But I wanted her to come! Argh, the frustration!
She laid on my shaved chest and said she wanted to play with me some. She caressed my arms and armpits, which got me quickly aroused. She noticed my chest was pretty smooth and made an indirect "me likes" type of comment. She then went to my left nipple, and squeezed it HARD.
It is hard for me to define: do I feel pain or pleasure or both?
My wife does not enjoy nipple play. Every so often (I think due to her level or arousal and where she is in her cycle), she will tell me when she wants me to suck her nipples. She was therefore very reluctant to play with mine ~ because she wouldn't want her nipples twisted, she didn't see how I could possible like that, and so she was reluctant.
But, she is over that. She "gets" the fact that I enjoy things like this. It really makes me feel understood and loved. It's pretty weird how one of the classic grade school tortures, the titty twister, is something that really turns me on sexually. She has done things pretty aggressively, maybe even more than I would want, but that's part of the excitement for me, that she is in control, monitoring my reactions and taking them as far as she wants.
For us, in our relationship, it is kind for her to be cruel.