Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Sex before, sex now

I have been reflecting a lot about sex at the beginning of our marriage and our sex life now.

Sex before the wedding night
My wife insisted on using condoms prior to our wedding, so my very first time entering a woman "bareback" was on our wedding night.  A friend of mine related that the human vagina has evolved over the millenia to provide intense stimulation to the male penis.  He was right!  Wow, what a difference!  The wetness, the warmness was great.

Sex as newlyweds
We married young, and I didn't feel I knew what I was doing much when it comes to sex, but was very willing to experiment.  Unfortunately, my bride was not as willing.  We went to a counselor who suggested the book "Becoming Orgasmic".  I never read it and not sure how far my wife got.  I wanted to try to use a vibrator on her, as she had not yet experienced an orgasm.  She finally gave in and had her first orgasm.  We both enjoyed it.  It has always made a big difference for me that I satisfy my wife.  Once she experienced orgasm and got to a place where she could understand her body's feedback loop, things got a lot more interesting.

Sex with the lights off
I felt that sex was more about getting rid of my horniness than anything else.  We would typically have the lights off, we would do it under the covers, missionary style only.  She preferred that I didn't come inside her pussy, so I would normally finish off with a porn style "come shot": I would withdraw from her, and she would use her right hand to stroke me to orgasm and with the left hand she would massage my balls.  Those orgasms were fantastic for me!  The dual stimulation and the fact that I didn't control the timing of my orgasm was fantastic.

Even though my orgasms were great, I really missed out on the romantic and playful aspect of sex.  My wife rarely gave me any foreplay.  I was young then, and had no problem whatsoever with getting and maintaining erections.  It's like we just took that for granted.

Femdom sex today
Sex today is the reverse of the typical male-female stereotype where the male is like an uncorked bottle of champagne and the female is a pot of simmering water.  While I still give my wife foreplay to build up, she is rather impatient with getting her orgasm.  She doesn't want to be teased for long: once she is horny and worked up, she wants her orgasm NOW.  She didn't allow me to eat her pussy once, and her reasoning was "it takes too long".  Contrast this with me, and my satisfaction with sex is a function of the duration of the session.  My orgasms (if I get them) are much more intense with the long build up.  I don't want a quick "relief" orgasm as we used to do, but rather I want to have extended foreplay.  The pleasure is in the journey, not the destination.  When we are engaged in orgasm denial, it feels like one big extended foreplay session.

I think my wife is more accepting of my visual needs for sex.  She is dressing sexier and I think she better understands how much her orgasms turns me on and how excited I am when she checks me out visually.  Life is good.

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