Saturday, March 29, 2014

When it's kind to be cruel

If I were to explain some of our sex play to a "vanilla" male friend, I am pretty sure he would think I was nuts.  Some of the things my wife does to me, superficially seem mean.  But, I am a submissive, there is no doubt about it.  I have a very high stress job and it is very arousing for me to surrender control and have her be "the boss" in our bedroom activities.  I seem happiest when she is sexually satisfied and she is "cruel" to me.

And, some of what we both enjoy causes physical pain to me.  Blue balls, cock and ball torture, spanking, etc.  Its something we both enjoy.  Frankly, I'd like it if I were spanked more.  We have been talking more about humiliation in our play.

Last night was a good example.  She went to some ladies night out (which always makes me think they are going to talk about sex and makes me fantasize about her telling other women the virtues of a female led sex life) and when she got home she was really tired.

She is on her period, and I really wanted her to come.  It just seems like a nice, natural way to fall asleep.  She refused, and then I asked if I could come, and she said, "absolutely not, if I don't come you don't come".  But I wanted her to come!  Argh, the frustration!

She laid on my shaved chest and said she wanted to play with me some.  She caressed my arms and armpits, which got me quickly aroused.  She noticed my chest was pretty smooth and made an indirect "me likes" type of comment.  She then went to my left nipple, and squeezed it HARD.

It is hard for me to define: do I feel pain or pleasure or both?

My wife does not enjoy nipple play.  Every so often (I think due to her level or arousal and where she is in her cycle), she will tell me when she wants me to suck her nipples.  She was therefore very reluctant to play with mine ~ because she wouldn't want her nipples twisted, she didn't see how I could possible like that, and so she was reluctant.

But, she is over that.  She "gets" the fact that I enjoy things like this.  It really makes me feel understood and loved.  It's pretty weird how one of the classic grade school tortures, the titty twister, is something that really turns me on sexually.  She has done things pretty aggressively, maybe even more than I would want, but that's part of the excitement for me, that she is in control, monitoring my reactions and taking them as far as she wants.

For us, in our relationship, it is kind for her to be cruel.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Blogger technical problems?

I am not the savviest person when it comes to computers and am looking for any feedback.  I keep having these issues:

The text editor for when I reply to comments on my own blog frequently crashes.  It gets incredibly slow and I often can't see the cursor to edit my replies.  Sometimes I just give up, it doesn't work.  I rarely have this problem when I comment on others' blogs.

The "reading list" on my dashboard very often crashes and the list either doesn't come up at all (and I can't seem to reload it) or it spews out some spammy looking thing that I know I didn't "like".  What causes that?

I have stopped posting erotic images at the request of my wife, but sometimes I would like to find and post some images... however, I have always had a hard time doing that on my mac but not my PC.  Is there a trick?

Any feedback is appreciated.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

My Tom Cruise Jump on the Couch Chastity Moment

Be careful what you wish for, indeed.

Friday night, we were both very tired, and as I had predicted, my wife started falling asleep on the couch downstairs.  We had not played since she "forced" me to lock into chastity on Tuesday night.  I really wanted to play and better understand what she was thinking about the prospects of my next orgasm.

Unexpectedly, she DID wake up from her nap and was ready to play.  We did a lot of kissing and unfortunately for me not a lot of teasing.  This was about her.  All that foreplay led to her climaxing very hard on the Hitachi with my finger inside.  I caressed her inner things and pubic area as she "came down" from her orgasm.  We kissed some more and then I asked her if she wanted to dress.  She said yes, and I assisted her in putting her panties and pajamas on.  THAT sure made it clear that the session was over.  This was her fifth orgasm in a row since I had come.

There was no mention of taking off the CB-6000S or when I might get to come.  It all felt very natural as far as, she got hers but my time is "in the future".  I am doing a good job of letting her take control, and she is verbally telling me how much she likes the control.

We were cuddling like maniacs, oxytocin flowing through my brain.  I simply couldn't sleep.  After she was thoroughly asleep, I finally gave up and went downstairs and did about a weeks' worth of dishes that she hadn't done (it's "her job" and frequently a point of contention, since I am the cook).

While on this "chastity high", doing dishes didn't seem so bad.  I normally get really upset that she isn't keeping up with the dishes, but in this case, I had so much energy, it didn't bother me at all.  I kept thinking of how happy she would be when she knew they were done.  I finally took some sleeping aids, went to sleep and then woke up before my Queen.

Due to my oxytocin overdose, I woke up early and wanted to do some "courtship behavior".  I put all the dishes away as she slept.  I then went to Starbucks and got her favorite drink.  I lovingly woke her up and gave it her.  After some candid talk about our sex session, she finally realized that I had done all of "her" chores for her.  She made a comment that she liked it and it was unlikely she would unlock me anytime soon.  Why would she?

*  *  *  *  *
As it turns out, a relative of hers is likely to stay with us next week.  My wife ORDINARILY has a strict no sex policy when we have house guests, but she is OK with using the using the vibrator on her and handjobs on me.  Seemingly out of recognition of this, she sort of acknowledged the matter by saying, "no sex this week... but you're going to be locked up anyway".  It was certainly implied that nothing was going to slow HER pleasure down!  I am a happy sub =)

Friday, March 14, 2014

"The key flew out of my hand on the highway"

I experienced significant morning wood on my third night of chastity device lockup.  I went to bed a little early, as I have a big project at work that is due today.  I woke up around 4:30 due to my attempted erections.  Unlike a lot of men I read about on chastity related boards, I don't find this to be painful.  Perhaps slightly uncomfortable, slightly frustrating that the erection is incomplete.  But actually arousing knowing that my pent up horniness and biology are still functioning normally.

This cage-straining was somewhat persistent.  I am really horny.  I haven't come in over two weeks (which was a sick-sympathy handjob) and haven't been in my wife's pussy in close to a month.  My wife has had four orgasms since my last one.  However, we have not played at all since she made me lock up.

She has had some stress issues at work and it is one of those "life gets in the way" things.  We had a fantastic non-sexual cuddle session.  She has sexted me a few times, which I appreciate.  She claimed that she lost the key as she was driving on the freeway and that I had better go find it if I didn't want to be locked up forever.  She knows how to push my buttons.  She seems quick to correct me if I say anything about getting hard ~ basically saying that she knows I "can't" get hard in my situation.  Very limited physical contact, just a time or two where she felt my crotch for the hard plastic device.  She has the chastity key safety pinned to her bra and has drawn attention to it a few times.

She stayed up very late and that means she will probably crash tonight with no play.  As we had a small conversation this morning, she expressed frustration at our lack of contact... but I am not sure how that will translate into play time tonight.  When she's tired, she's tired.

I have been a good submissive and have not pressed things.  I don't know what she's thinking as far as lockup period or eventual orgasm for me.  She is close to ovulation, so she may want me to penetrate her or be a little kinkier than normal.  She seems to be enjoying the control and in a "be careful what you wish for" moment, I am starting to wonder if she is really serious about limiting my orgasms to just one per month.  Perhaps she has given up male orgasms for lent?

I have a lot of emotions going on right now.  Chastity and my submission are contradictory and even I don't understand.  I am enjoying the ride though.  And I do hope she finds the key =)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Punished or rewarded with male chastity device lockup?

After a few nonsexual cuddling nights, it was clear we were going to have some intimate times last night as she walked out in her sexy long nightgown.  We did a lot of kissing and head and back massaging and were both getting worked up.  Her clothes really make a big difference to me, not just in the way they look and conform to her breasts, but they even feel sexy.

This translated into my going down between her legs, where I had no panties to fight.  I thought I did everything right, slow caresses around the inner thigh, take a circuitous route to the clitoris and then do some teasing.  She started moaning and even verbally told me it was feeling good.  It did take some time, but I got her hot so she could handle the direct contact with her pleasure center.  It was awesome. It took 5-10 min and then she started to get really rigid around her pelvic area and she came hard.  I don't think there's any single sex act that makes me feel as powerful and masculine as when I successfully bring her to climax with my tongue.  As she basked in her orgasm, I stood up and gently massaged her thighs and pubic area.  She was lost in her own little world and later thanked me for giving her post-orgasmic massage.

I had pussy juices all over my mouth and chin, and believe me, I would have loved to have given her a wet sloppy kiss.  I think sharing sexual fluids is very hot.  But she hates the idea, so I rinsed off and went back in to kiss her and see what she might have in mind for me.

To my great surprise, she said, "well, I haven't been very happy with you, so I want you to lock up now".  I had just given her a fantastic oral orgasm and been denied for almost two weeks, almost a month since I've been in her pussy.  Our relationship is really good, although we did have a minor squabble Sunday night.

I have been "hinting" at a lockup period for a while.  I walk a fine line between expressing my fantasies and "topping from the bottom".  My orgasms have been fewer lately (purely controlled by her) and when I am denied, my sexual fantasies get kinkier.  I don't think I've been locked up since June.  I was starting to think that this was just more my thing and not as much hers.

I nervously assembled the parts to the CB-6000S in front of her.  She watched and snickered about the fact that I was hard and it was going to be difficult for me to put it on in front of her.  Doing so makes me feel a lot more submissive, almost humiliated in a way, because she just watches as I struggle and teases me when I have difficulty.  I have a long standing fantasy of her actually putting the device on my 100% by herself.  I got the ring on OK, with a little pinching (fortunately, I had recently trimmed my pubic hair) but my cock was too stiff to put the cage on in front of her.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

"I'll let you come when you are ready and you're not ready yet"

Last night started off great with her coming out in her sexy nightgown.  She was very receptive to foreplay.  I groped her shoulders and breasts and then moved to her inner thighs.  She began to moan lightly, which spurred me on.  Her pussy wasn't bald, but her pubes were really fine and I enjoyed stroking it while I was playing with her labia.  She was pretty wet and I noticed her musk was particularly strong (which is always the case just before and just after her period).  I can still smell her on my finger even though I have washed my hands.  Sexy pheromones!

I fingered her pussy and she was moaning, more than normal.  She was getting close and then we switched to Hitachi on her clit and my fingers inside her pussy in slow rhythmic movements at the entrance of her vagina.  I would have loved to have finished her off with fingering but she said it was starting to hurt a little.  She came hard.

What struck me most about this session is how open she was to being pleasured.  What she wore was a clear signal that she wanted to be physical: her sexy nightgown without panties.  She offered ZERO resistance to my foreplay and sexual touches - in fact her body language was telling me that she expected it.  Many times she seems compelled through some inner anti-slut voice that she needs to "play hard to get" and say things like, "I just wanna cuddle tonight".  Sometimes it's fun to overcome her "reluctance" but it was a pleasant surprise for her to be so open to our session.  I love it when my wife is horny!

I asked her if she needed penetration and she said, "you're not ready for that yet".  I realized at that point the chances for me orgasming were really low.  She was practically falling asleep and started playing with my nipples harshly.  She then moved to my thong-covered genitals which is frustrating in not getting full skin contact.  This tease lasted a while, I was getting close and then she'd slow down.

She then moved to direct skin contact, which felt great.  A unique part of this tease was with this particular thong I was wearing.  It is really old and probably a little on the big side (loose).  There is plenty of room for her hand to be in the pouch area, so the thong was never removed.  As she was teasing me, the string part rubbed along my ass with a tension that felt incredible when combined with the cock and ball stimulation with her hand.  She edged me several times and I thought I was going to come or that maybe she was going to ruin my orgasm.  When I was almost there, she would abandon my cock, grab my balls and squeeze hard, which gave the kabosh on my orgasm.  I must have been "edged" half a dozen times.

She finally said I had had enough, that she "didn't want me to explode" and then stopped in a loving but firm manner.  We did some really intimate "aftercare" in which I got on top of her and kissed her all over.  She talked about how much she enjoyed our session and as much as I don't want to press this, I tried to get her to let me know how much longer till I come.  Her reply, "I'll let you come when you are ready, and you're not ready yet".  It seemed so Kung-Fu or Jedi master coming from her.  My thong had about as much pre-come on it as if I had had a full orgasm.  Femdom life is good!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Communication within a Femdom Marriage

Communication is always tough in a marriage.  For us, talking about sex has always been very difficult.  My initial attempt was to communicate my sexual fantasies to her via this blog.  Unfortunately, that didn't go as well and she does not reads it any more.  She had intended to be more open in one on one discussions about sex.  That was initially successful but it's often difficult to get the time and privacy for that in our house.  Several months ago, I sent her a fictional story that illustrated a fantasy I had (which I do intend to publish on my blog at some point... it was my first attempt at erotica).  It was a disaster.  She was scared and never really read it.  I think I overwhelmed her.

Yesterday, due to my illness, I had some time on my hands and I sent her a short note telling her how excited I was about her increased confidence.  I texted her to check her naughty email account and I could sense she was a little scared.

She finally did come out to bed and it was obvious she had read it.  We then had an intimate time together, nothing really out of the ordinary except for her fantastic orgasm with the Hitachi (she is still on her period, but she said something to the effect of: my gooodness, my orgasms are getting soooo much better with age!).  She didn't really tease me much and fell asleep with her hand on my genitals.

We had a short banter this morning - usually when I am denied she will make some comment that she had a relaxing, great night sleep and ask about mine (which of course is never as good as hers lol).  I hugged her and told her that I had fun.

My intention is to send her a brief note that describes what I'm thinking sexually speaking, making sure they are bite-sized this time.

She texted me during her workday and said, "when are we going on a date night?".  I said, "not soon enough!".  Things are good right now.  I feel a little more understood as far as her seeing how important sex is to me and how much I enjoy being submissive to her.  She seems comfortable with our arrangement right now.  We seem very satisfied with our sex life.  Things are good.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Role Reversal: Men as sex objects

A very long time ago, I watched a moderated debate on pornography.  The main gist of the anti-pornography position was from a feminist whose position was that porn objectified women.  Ron Jeremy, a famous male porn star, responded to that by stating that in his "acting", he was actually much more objectified because the camera really only focused on his genitalia.  This particular actor is not very attractive, so that was an easy argument to buy.  A male porn star is there for his body and ability to "perform" in front of a number of people under hot lights and direction.  He is not there to share his personal feelings or thoughts on environmental policy.  He's there because he can fuck under conditions that most men could not.  If he developed performance problems, he'd be out of that "line of work" immediately.  He is a piece of meat.  The idea of a male being a sex object was something that stuck with me and has been awakened by our femdom play.

I was thinking about this as we were playing the other night.  I sensed that Suzy was going to deny me release.  I was on top of her, and she could feel my erection which was very pleasing to her.  I was supporting my upper torso with my arms, and Suzy commented that she liked my muscles.  I lift weights 3x per week and am pretty focused on improving my physique.  I had made some good strides lately, and it really flattered me that she noticed.

In the context, her actively telling me how much she liked my body but not allowing me sexual release made me think of myself as a sex object, a piece of meat for her enjoyment.  Something to arouse and amuse her, but not necessarily feel an obligation to "release".  Her entertainment.

This is magnified most when she allows me to penetrate her but forbids me to come.  That's when I feel most like a sex object/slave. 

*  *  *  *  *

When I am doing  a difficult set at the gym, I often think about doing it "for" Suzy.  I think of trying to be a piece of eye candy, a "trophy husband", a plaything for her.  This does provide me motivation in the gym.  

So, I was flattered by the compliment around my body, and she was flattered by my erection.

Speaking of sex objects, Suzy is pretty enamored with Channing Tatum.  She is not shy about expressing her thoughts on his... good qualities.  As I have been sick lately, I have been goofing around the internet and read an article that he actually was a stripper and there are videos of him.  Pretty sure Suzy will want to see that.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Sex before, sex now

I have been reflecting a lot about sex at the beginning of our marriage and our sex life now.

Sex before the wedding night
My wife insisted on using condoms prior to our wedding, so my very first time entering a woman "bareback" was on our wedding night.  A friend of mine related that the human vagina has evolved over the millenia to provide intense stimulation to the male penis.  He was right!  Wow, what a difference!  The wetness, the warmness was great.

Sex as newlyweds
We married young, and I didn't feel I knew what I was doing much when it comes to sex, but was very willing to experiment.  Unfortunately, my bride was not as willing.  We went to a counselor who suggested the book "Becoming Orgasmic".  I never read it and not sure how far my wife got.  I wanted to try to use a vibrator on her, as she had not yet experienced an orgasm.  She finally gave in and had her first orgasm.  We both enjoyed it.  It has always made a big difference for me that I satisfy my wife.  Once she experienced orgasm and got to a place where she could understand her body's feedback loop, things got a lot more interesting.

Sex with the lights off
I felt that sex was more about getting rid of my horniness than anything else.  We would typically have the lights off, we would do it under the covers, missionary style only.  She preferred that I didn't come inside her pussy, so I would normally finish off with a porn style "come shot": I would withdraw from her, and she would use her right hand to stroke me to orgasm and with the left hand she would massage my balls.  Those orgasms were fantastic for me!  The dual stimulation and the fact that I didn't control the timing of my orgasm was fantastic.

Even though my orgasms were great, I really missed out on the romantic and playful aspect of sex.  My wife rarely gave me any foreplay.  I was young then, and had no problem whatsoever with getting and maintaining erections.  It's like we just took that for granted.

Femdom sex today
Sex today is the reverse of the typical male-female stereotype where the male is like an uncorked bottle of champagne and the female is a pot of simmering water.  While I still give my wife foreplay to build up, she is rather impatient with getting her orgasm.  She doesn't want to be teased for long: once she is horny and worked up, she wants her orgasm NOW.  She didn't allow me to eat her pussy once, and her reasoning was "it takes too long".  Contrast this with me, and my satisfaction with sex is a function of the duration of the session.  My orgasms (if I get them) are much more intense with the long build up.  I don't want a quick "relief" orgasm as we used to do, but rather I want to have extended foreplay.  The pleasure is in the journey, not the destination.  When we are engaged in orgasm denial, it feels like one big extended foreplay session.

I think my wife is more accepting of my visual needs for sex.  She is dressing sexier and I think she better understands how much her orgasms turns me on and how excited I am when she checks me out visually.  Life is good.