Saturday, February 16, 2013

Chastity Angst

I feel like a love-sick teenager.  I am kinda grumpy because I miss my Queen so much.  We have been apart since Tuesday and have had limited time to talk and text.  I thought I would have more time to blog and such, but keeping the fort up and running while working has been trying.  I will see my Queen sometime this afternoon, which I am greatly looking forward to, but still have some anxiety over our reuninon.  What makes me  anxious?

It's hard for me not to think that I have (or will) let her down.  I am so excited about being so horny and seeing her that I am nervous I will do or say something stupid, letting my horniness get the worst of me, if you will.

I have been thinking about "topping from the bottom" lately.  I feel like I have been "good" in that regard, and that could be a reason why Suzy has been more dominant lately.  There have been some concrete times where I have wanted to "suggest" things for her but have kept my mouth shut.  I have told her how horny I am and how much I crave release, but I have been better about not begging for it, and just letting her direct the sex play.  It feels very good to give up control to her.

A good example of this was when we received our package of sex toys.  I wanted to open the box and check them out, but i figured it would be better to ask her.  She said she did not want me to open it, and so I did not.  I am really excited about the toys we bought, they are a little more "advanced" than the normal sex toy variety, and I've been thinking about how hot it might be to either open them together as a femdom couple or simply letting her review them and decide what she wants to do.  Again, I am a little scared I will screw this up.

I am super horny because:
  • Suzy has denied me her pussy for over a month (I've asked to penetrate her, just to get my cock soaked in her juices but she rejected that), I have been without a "good" orgasm for around 20 days or so, and my last "orgasm" was really a let down (not sure why that was, but my worst orgasm is still better than my best day at work, lol).  Suzy is on her period, so there is no chance I will get to penetrate.
  • I have been locked in the chastity device since Tuesday.  This has helped me to some extent.  As I've written about before, I tend to get a little grumpy/depressed when I don't have a nice erection.  Being locked is the ant-erection, but since my Queen snapped the lock shut herself, I do have some lingering feelings of submission to her over my imprisoned state.  I think I'm trying to say that it was a good choice to lock up.
  • We have been physically separated for a long time.   This makes us desire each other more.

This all leads to a lot of "anticipation".  Suzy does NOT like it when I have expectations.  I am therefore trying not to have any, or at least, trying not to verbalize them to her.

If she asked me if I want to come, the answer is "yes".  But I would be lying if I didn't say that her pushing my denial period out would also be exciting.  I think what I am ultimately feeling is that I am better off not topping from the bottom, and letting her determine what happens.  

Sorry for the ramble, and I did not proof read this post.  Have to go to a kid event and I am even more anxious as to whether there will be suitable bathrooms :(



  1. I often struggle with the topping from the bottom concept. If I suggest something or steer things in a direction, even if we both enjoy it, I wonder if I should be doing that. FLR is pretty new for us, so I am working on avoiding this pitfall as much as possible.


  2. I bet she was charmed to see how much you missed her and how happy you were to see her.

  3. I understand a lot.
    I struggle with the topping from the bottom.
    I understand the expectations issue. Actually we were in a cycle of doom where I would pester my wife for sex and then either she would give in and we would have boring sex that just reiterated my weakness or we would not have sex and I would feel anoyed. So in discussions with my wife we have agreed on chastity for lent 40 days. No expectation = no let down and no grumpyness.
    Likewise the question 'do you want to cum' oh yes absolutely. and if she says well we might make you wait another few days oh yes to that too.
    have fun.