Saturday, February 16, 2013

Chastity Angst

I feel like a love-sick teenager.  I am kinda grumpy because I miss my Queen so much.  We have been apart since Tuesday and have had limited time to talk and text.  I thought I would have more time to blog and such, but keeping the fort up and running while working has been trying.  I will see my Queen sometime this afternoon, which I am greatly looking forward to, but still have some anxiety over our reuninon.  What makes me  anxious?

It's hard for me not to think that I have (or will) let her down.  I am so excited about being so horny and seeing her that I am nervous I will do or say something stupid, letting my horniness get the worst of me, if you will.

I have been thinking about "topping from the bottom" lately.  I feel like I have been "good" in that regard, and that could be a reason why Suzy has been more dominant lately.  There have been some concrete times where I have wanted to "suggest" things for her but have kept my mouth shut.  I have told her how horny I am and how much I crave release, but I have been better about not begging for it, and just letting her direct the sex play.  It feels very good to give up control to her.

A good example of this was when we received our package of sex toys.  I wanted to open the box and check them out, but i figured it would be better to ask her.  She said she did not want me to open it, and so I did not.  I am really excited about the toys we bought, they are a little more "advanced" than the normal sex toy variety, and I've been thinking about how hot it might be to either open them together as a femdom couple or simply letting her review them and decide what she wants to do.  Again, I am a little scared I will screw this up.

I am super horny because:
  • Suzy has denied me her pussy for over a month (I've asked to penetrate her, just to get my cock soaked in her juices but she rejected that), I have been without a "good" orgasm for around 20 days or so, and my last "orgasm" was really a let down (not sure why that was, but my worst orgasm is still better than my best day at work, lol).  Suzy is on her period, so there is no chance I will get to penetrate.
  • I have been locked in the chastity device since Tuesday.  This has helped me to some extent.  As I've written about before, I tend to get a little grumpy/depressed when I don't have a nice erection.  Being locked is the ant-erection, but since my Queen snapped the lock shut herself, I do have some lingering feelings of submission to her over my imprisoned state.  I think I'm trying to say that it was a good choice to lock up.
  • We have been physically separated for a long time.   This makes us desire each other more.

This all leads to a lot of "anticipation".  Suzy does NOT like it when I have expectations.  I am therefore trying not to have any, or at least, trying not to verbalize them to her.

If she asked me if I want to come, the answer is "yes".  But I would be lying if I didn't say that her pushing my denial period out would also be exciting.  I think what I am ultimately feeling is that I am better off not topping from the bottom, and letting her determine what happens.  

Sorry for the ramble, and I did not proof read this post.  Have to go to a kid event and I am even more anxious as to whether there will be suitable bathrooms :(


Thursday, February 14, 2013

Wartenberg Wheel, Chastity lockup, Anticipation

Suzy made a special request to get the Wartenberg wheel out for our next session.  I was a bit nervous about finding it, but fortunately I did and it was ready for her use on me.  What an intense tease and denial session!

First of all, I love it when my wife "has a plan" for our sessions.  Definite turn on for me.  I'll be honest I don't remember the sequence of events for this session, but I do remember that she didn't spend a lot of time stimulating my cock.  It was mainly teasing with the wheel and cock and ball torture.  She really used the wheel to its maximum use.  The great thing about the wheel is that it can provide a very light "tickling" kind of sensation and if she increases the pressure just a tad, it can really wake your senses with the pain.  Suzy expertly alternated this on different parts of my body.  She used it everywhere from my arms, nipples, groin area, genitals, and I think even my feet.  But what was really intense was when she stimulated my anal area.  She used the lighter touch on that, and it really was intensely pleasurable.  I hope to revisit this again.  Another thing that I really enjoyed about Suzy's teasing session is that she was very assertive in saying that she was done teasing me and it was then time for her orgasm.  We used the Hitachi wand, she had an amazing orgasm and we went to bed, my erection poking her in our spooning position.
Wartenberg Wheel
I highly recommend the Wartenberg wheel.  We have spent a fair amount of money on sex toys, and you get a lot of bang for your buck with it ~it's only $8 or so. 
*  *  *  *  *


Every sub needs a shave
My pubic hair had gotten unwieldy.  I asked Suzy is she wanted me to trim or shave.  She wanted my pubes shaved.  "As you wish".
We had a planned male chastity lockup period, since my wife will be out of town on business.  Suzy prefers me to be on the "honor system" but is cool with me being locked when we are apart.  I haven't been locked up in a while, so I was looking forward to this kinky play.  It turned me on how she mentioned the lockup period to me several times during the week.  She was teasing me about being locked up!  What a sexy, dominant wife! 

We finally got a little privacy and I thought I would just go for it.  I was thinking it would be nice to (attempt) to put it on while she watched me, but she was obviously distracted at preparing for her trip, so I just discretely put the device on and approached her so she could snap the lock shut.  Suzy was still in her work clothes and I was naked except for the Birdlock chastity device.  She looked at me with loving eyes, teased me with the lock a little bit, and then snapped it shut.  She said she would "find a good place for the key".  When we lock my cock, we normally seal the deal with an orgasm for her.  She wasn't in the mood due to her impending period, so we just went to bed.  It was hard for me to sleep ;-)

Our plane for the sex camp leaves in an hour.  We’ll leave the key here at home so we don’t lose it, don’t you agree?
Having my keyholder snap the lock is always an intensely erotic experience.  It says to me: I want complete control of this cock!

*  *  *  *  *

Speaking of toys, we have a few toys on order.  I am thinking of posting some sex toy product reviews, so perhaps these new toys will be the first.  One of them is specifically designed for ball torture.  When I was ordering the "main toy", I thought I would throw this one in there.  Suzy at first seemed squeemish about using it on me, but then we both agreed it would be fun to try.  Suzy told me that when she was driving home, she was thinking about using it on me.  What a woman!  She was nervous, and now she is excited about it.  I anticipate that it will cause me pain and I anticipate that we will enjoy it.  I like it when she has a plan.

An important part of male chastity play (for me) is for her to tease me with the key.  It demonstrates control and a lack of uncertainty as to when the key will be used to unlock me.  The key is both symbolic and literal of her control over my body.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Femdom sex, male chastity belt lockups, and oxytocin

Suzy continues to enjoy the control of our sex life.  We both had a hard week (work-wise) and she went to bed early on Friday.  I was really looking forward to a well-rested dominant Suzy for our sex play Saturday night.  I was not disappointed.

I wore my breakaway thong and we cuddled and I thrust into her a bit.  She enjoys my erections poking against her.  Because I was so horny, I was dripping a lot of pre-cum, so it was a good thing it was captured into my loin cloth.  I only wear thongs leading into sex play, but it does make me *feel* sexy, both from a slightly naughty standpoint and I actually enjoy the feel of the fabric up up my ass.

We did a lot of talking, and she turned to me and asked "when are you going to lock up?".  I asked if she wanted to lock me in the chastity device last night, but she said no, she wanted to play with my erection.  I will be locked up Tuesday night (I assume we will follow our traditional locking ceremony where she clicks the lock and then she orgasms - I wanted to ask her if we could spice it up a bit by taking some pictures so I could post it on my blog).  For those newer to my blog, I have a CB-6000 and a Birdlock chastity device, but Suzy's preference currently is that I am on the "honor system" when we are together but she enjoys me being locked when we are apart.  As I mentioned in my last post, Suzy has an upcoming trip for work, and as a result, wants me to be locked starting Tuesday night.  It sounds like I won't see her until Sunday.
Locking him up
A keyholder snapping the lock shut.  For us, a female orgasm always follows as part of our male chastity locking ritual.  I am hoping that Suzy will allow this to be photographed, to satisfy my exhibitionist cravings.  We shall see.
It has been a while since she has directed me to use the chastity belt.  I am looking forward to it.  When we are together and she wants me to be chaste, I know that if I did masturbate, she would notice a change in my behavior and would directly ask me if masturbated.  Because she won't be here to acknowledge my sexuality (e.g., to tease and deny me), I would be very tempted to jerk off.  I could "get away with it" because I would have several days to recover my sexual energy and be horny again for her return.  Thus, I agree with her, it is best for me to be locked up.  Aside from all that, it is a kinky thing, to submit to having your cock locked by your dominant partner, and I find it very hot that she alone has the key.  She is nervous and wants me to have a spare key in case of emergency (I actually don't know if we have both keys).  Related to my last post, I find it very hot that she can masturbate at her hotel room if she likes.  This "double standard" is very exciting to me.

Being locked is not going to be without its challenges.  Peeing and general hygiene is difficult for me, and I haven't been locked at the new gym, which has less privacy than my old one.
Suzy has made female domination an art form.
After this, Suzy matter-of-factly stated that she needed to orgasm.  I used the Hitachi Magic Wand on her while she squeezed my balls.  Her orgasm was FANTASTIC.  Definitely more than enough for the both of us.  Not kidding, I think it lasted 15-20 seconds or so.  Wow.  We caressed for a while and I could tell she was getting tired.  She complimented me on my freshly shaved chest (it really drives me wild when she talks about my body) and then went on to tease and deny me.  I am running long on this post, so I will be succinct here and just say that she focused on my balls and edged me for some time ~ my guess is that I was 80% to an orgasm for a good 15 minutes.  Just to be clear, I did not orgasm.  It has been about a week and a half since my last orgasm (even though it was not a great one) and I haven't penetrated her for over three weeks.

Love my wheel! ♥
Suzy told me after our sex play that she wanted to use "the wheel" on me next time. 

*  *  *  *  *
Even though we haven't had a lot of time for extended sex play such as what happened Saturday night, we have been cuddling and snuggling a lot lately.  More than normal.  I believe that such embracing behavior stimulates the secretion of oxytocin.  When I was in school, oxytocin's claim to fame was related to maternal behaviors (pair bonding between mother and newborn and initiation of lactation).  There seems to be a lot of research into oxytocin's role as a "cuddle hormone" in bonding between sexual partners.  I have read that just about any touch, but especially an embracing type of touch, stimulates the release of the body's cuddle drug.  If that is the case, we must be flooded with it.  I feel very close to Suzy right now, perhaps because of this oxytocin, but I think also having to do with her acceptance (and even enthusiasm) of our kinky sex play.  We are having fun, and bonding in the process.  I have to run to work out, and perhaps I will explore this further in subsequent posts.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Suzy's Hall Pass

The sex comedy "Hall Pass" revolved around the husband's fantasy of having a week without marital obligations.
I have made a few posts about my desire to try cuckolding.  That is, I would like to watch Suzy play with another male sexually.  This is not something that should be taken lightly, and I realize that once an extramarital partner makes an appearance into our bedchamber, it can't really be undone.  However, this is a very strong fantasy of mine.

I recently watched the movie "Hall Pass".  The premise is two 40something married men get their wives' permission for one week to play the field, or "take a break" from their marriage.  They would then come back happily to their wives and then married life resumes.

The dudes no longer "have it".  It is one failure after another, and it is comically embarrassing how inept they are with the ladies.  When the rubber hits the road, one of the wives actually does have sex with another man.  One of the husbands finally gets the chance to do it with a young Australian barista, but declines.

It is a highly sexual movie.  There are some good bits of crude humor.

Suzy has a "hall pass".  She knows that if she had another sex partner, I would be very turned on.  The thing is, I really want to watch.  It seems like a threesome, a male-female-male threesome is a possibility.

Three times, she has posted an ad on Craigslist for a possible male "playmate".  What seems to turn us both on is a "boy toy", someone significantly younger than me that has no strings attached sex play.  I can't help but feel that the numerous replies Suzy has received from her posts have tickled her ego... a lot.  We came close to meeting a guy for drinks, to see if there was some chemistry.  She now has a "suitor" that she seems to like, and it is possible that we might meet him to "kick the tires".

The reality is that this has got me very excited.  I don't think Suzy understand the extent of my excitement, particularly when I am being denied orgasm.

Part of the appeal to me is the "double standard".  Suzy would literally cut my balls off if I had any sexual contact with another woman.  She has been very clear about that, since before we were married.  I think that she moves that standard to me.  I don't think I am a jealous person.  And it's not cheating if I am there watching, or if I know/hear about it.  Suzy has a hall pass.  I just don't want her to lie to me and do it behind my back.

Suzy has a rare business trip coming up, in a few weeks.  She teased me that she would meet her boy toy at her hotel.  I was rather turned on by this tease.  The reality is, she really could make arrangements to meet him there.  And I really would be turned on if she did.  I have been thinking about this, maybe more than I should.  I almost want her to come back and tell me she "met someone" and "had a very satisfying trip".  I would of course want to know the details.  I would prefer to watch the action, but with our family, things can't always happen that way.  I have fantasized about slipping some condoms in her luggage and telling her to "play safe'.

I am sure as the date of this trip comes closer, I will fantasize more.

Will she take advantage of the hall pass?  On her trip, or the boy toy she has been corresponding with?  I don't know.  But, she has a hall pass.  I just want her to tell me the juicy details.  Even if she chooses not to get physical, it may be fun to role play, acting as if she did to judge my reactions.

*  *  *  *  *
I wrote this a few weeks ago, when I found out about her business trip.  Friday night I had a dream that Suzy locked me in chastity during her trip.  It's been a while since I've been locked, but one of her prior criteria for using the device was when we are apart, which we will be for several days when she is gone.  I brought up my dream and Suzy seemed intrigued by the idea of a lockup.  Then, my mind started wandering some, and I thought in addition to packing her condoms "just in case", it would be hot for her to take a vibrator with her.  After all, some of the hotels have very weak showers, and when a girl needs an orgasm, she needs an orgasm.  Her having such sexual freedom (to play with a boy toy, or masturbate) and my possible enforced chastity is a double standard that really turns me on.

Suzy denied me sexual relief two straight sessions.  I am very horny, and thinking about this scenario more and more.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Watching... yourself?

CBT is an integral part of our sex play.  I usually close my eyes, but this time was a little different.
Suzy gave me a terrific CBT handjob Monday night.  There wasn't anything particularly new about what she did, it was just very intense, she did some dirty talking, and I watched some of it.

Let me explain:

Suzy had denied me the last time we played, and I was very horny.  My fantasies were going crazy full blast and I wanted to play very badly over the long weekend.  However, she had some stuff to do for work, and I had been doing a bit of drinking, so I could not stay up - I need my sleep.

Our playtime still started very late and I was tired, and needed to get some sleep for work.  I was naked when she joined me in the bed, and she started playing with my nipples while I caressed her back and arms.  She moved to my cock and it didn't take me long to get an erection.  She then started an intense ball torture session.

The last time we played, Suzy said, "I get more aroused the more you moan".  I asked her: who do you think likes ball torture more, me or you?  She wasn't sure.  I am starting to think she likes it more.  It's "her kink".  But I am more than a willing participant.  Suzy mocks me that when she starts a pain session on my genitals, I instinctually position myself so that it is easier for her to hurt me.  I spread my legs, I move up or down, to facilitate the administration of pain.  And, it clearly turns her on.

She had become more aggressive with my balls.  After I had my vasectomy, she would joke that she didn't need my balls anymore.  At first, that annoyed me (I hadn't acknowledged my submissive nature at the time I was snipped), but now I find it turns me on.  Lately, she will grab my entire scrotum and pull down hard.  It feels like she is trying to castrate me, and she jokes about it with me.  It really does "hurt so good".  Sometimes she passes the threshold of pain where (if it was up to me) I would want her to stop.  However, she doesn't stop, and that makes me feel so dominated by her, that it turns me on more and more.  Suzy has told me that my erection becomes harder during CBT play.

I hope this doesn't sound weird, but I don't usually see my own dick in its fully erect state.  If Suzy is stimulating me manually, I am on my back and closing my eyes.  If we are penetrating, most likely, I am mostly erect when I see it and when I insert, I suppose it gets its final hardness.  However, I was curious about this last comment she made.  I moved up to watch her administer CBT on me.  The weird thing: I was really very hard!  Harder than I normally see my cock.  It was erotic to watch her forcefully manipulating my balls, with my very erect cock following along naturally with her swaying motion.

At any rate, the finale was coming up, and Suzy wanted to give me the "pain with the pleasure", which means she strokes my cock and smacks my balls simultaneously.  Normally, she smacks harder and harder, making me want to come to stop the pain.  She had a hard time doing both motions, so she sat up to do it.  Her watching me really turns me on.  I came explosively.  She very sweetly massaged my balls after my climax, and then took out the Hitachi and finished herself off, as I was a mess, literally and figuratively.