Monday, December 24, 2012

Interview with a submissive husband, part 1

I have stated that I would like to interview Suzy about our sex life in the past, but things are pretty busy in her life, and I am not sure when I would be able to get to that.  Probably the best I can hope for is to email her some questions and when she gets around to it, she will respond.  Since I am out of the roof horny, I have a lot of pent up energy right now, and thought that I might conduct a "self interview".  Here goes:

How important is sex in your relationship with Suzy?
I have an above average libido, which can be a source of conflict.  Suzy will sometimes minimize this by saying, "you just want sex", as if it is no big deal.  Sex is a very big deal to me.  If it were up to me, we would end each day with sex, whether it be intercourse, heavy petting, or a full Femdom scene.  I love other people, but my relationship with Suzy is special... she's the only person I have sex with, and the intimacy we create during our sex play is creates a powerful bond.  It's difficult to get angry and petty with someone who has just rocked your world sexually, even, say, if she doesn't see eye to eye with you on financial matters.  There are so many benefits that sex provides.  I consider myself to be a highly sexual person.

I feel a sense of urgency around sex.  I suspect that once our children leave the nest, our dynamic will change a lot (I'm thinking I won't be wearing clothes that often...).  But why wait?  Sex is fun, free, and good for you.  Do it now!!!  Our daughter gets annoyed and embarrassed when we are affectionate; but it's better than fighting, don't you think :)

But, as described in this blog, you don't always orgasm during these intimate times.  Is that a contradiction?
One thing this blog has done for me is to tie threads in my life that point to the fact that I enjoy submission.  A way that is manifest in our current sex play is that I don't take for granted that I will come each time we have sex.  I think our past history suggests that Suzy climaxes about four times more often than I do.  During those times when I don't ejaculate, I am very stimulated and I feel very intimate and close to her.  This has been a journey, with many ups and downs, and I very much appreciate the fact that Suzy is game to try out female domination.  There are times when I really really do want to come and she says no.  In the old days, I would probably just sneak off and masturbate.  But submitting to her includes accepting her decisions.  I agree that my femdom desires aren't always rational, but ever since I have made a concerted effort to stop "topping from the bottom", things have gone much better.  I am enjoying her being in charge, sexually, and I think she likes it too.

What is the most surprising thing you've discovered about yourself and about Suzy that you learned from Femdom play?
For me, it's that the brain is the biggest and most important sex organ.  When we were first married, I was very driven to climax.  It's like I had an itch to scratch.  It did matter to me that she came or not, and in fact, I introduced her to becoming orgasmic.  She was very reluctant to try various tools, but I was very persistent.  I digress.  I am constantly surprised at how communicating my desires to her, and embracing my own sexuality has lead to such fulfillment.  As I was saying, my main focus used to be on getting to the finish line.  But with sex, the journey is even better than the destination.  The all day foreplay (now accomplished mainly with sexting) that builds an intense desire and anticipation, the intimate communication in sharing our fantasies, the roleplaying or dressing up that adds to that simmering tension... it's what makes sex fun and exciting.

The extent to which she has taken up to cock and ball torture has really surprised me.  To the outside world, Suzy is a sweetheart, she's a wonderful mom, and has such a big heart ~ basically a PTA soccer mom type.  I think people are always a little bit different in day to day roles vs. in the bedroom (I know I am; I am pretty driven at work but want to submit to her for sex).  But Suzy truly enjoys being rough with my genitals.  You tend to know what you like to do by seeing what you naturally gravitate towards when you have a choice.  Suzy chooses to bust my balls.  It's something she is drawn to and enjoys.  I am not asking or cajoling her to do that, she does it because she likes it.  And I like to submit to it.  Cock and ball torture is a great fit for us; it is rare that it is not a part of our play.  The contrast of this good girl/naughty girl is very arousing to me.

Do you hold back on this blog?  Is there anything sexually that you have not discussed with Suzy?
To a certain extent.  I consider myself a "trysexual".  I will try anything a few times (if it isn't fun the first time, it could have been we didn't know what to do, so I want to leave some room for learning).  There are some things I've fantasized about that she didn't seem to receive well.  I don't want to push if it's a definite "no".  There are some very powerful fantasies that I have that I will try to incorporate here and there, to give some color as to why they turn me on.  Just like with the vibrators, she is sometimes resistant to try things until she wraps her head around them.

Is there something that you don't feel Suzy "gets" that you'd like her to better understand about your sexuality?
I guess it's similar to the last notion.  I think Suzy over-thinks things sometimes (what does this mean about him or about me?  What if it makes me look stupid?).  Most of my fantasies have a common theme of being "forced" into something; a role reversal; or just being nasty/kinky. 

Just because I want her to fuck me in the ass with a strapon doesn't mean I am interested in being with a man or having a real penis fuck me in the ass (I don't at all!!).  Similarly, I fantasize about being "forced" to consume my semen (either following a ruined orgasm or a combined mixing of our juices in her pussy, which is called a "creampie" and a seemingly common submissive male fantasy).  I have from time to time thought it would be fun to be "forced" to wear her panties, but I don't really have any desires to be "feminized".  I get the sense that Suzy thinks these things say something more about me than are really there.  It could be that being fucked in the ass is painful and not pleasant; that I concur with Suzy that my semen is toxic waste; and that we both think I look ridiculous in her panties.  But it could be that Suzy feels empowered and dominant with a cock of her own; that she is turned on by "making" me clean her pussy (and appreciates the lack of oozing the next day); or she thinks it's fun to reverse roles by making me wear her panties.  I think it would be fun to try, and figure out if we both enjoy it or not.

The other thing I would say is that she might not appreciate the importance of the visual aspect to male sexuality.  To me, sex is the "main event" of the day.  She looks great with makeup and her work clothes; why not begin a session with a hot theme around that?  Lots of role-playing opportunities there!  We can put up the clothes later (I am somewhat accustomed to putting toys away after we are done with sex).  The really sexy clothes I like to see her in...I hope she wears them!

Is there a blind spot you have for Suzy?  Something you don't get about her?
The flip side to the prior questions is that I probably under-appreciate her willingness to try out things that she is not as comfortable with.  There have been times that I thought she was cool with certain things and she later tells me it's far outside her comfort zone.  That was a bit of a shock to me.  I don't think I 'get' that part of it.  But I really do appreciate it.  I guess I want more but don't often enough express appreciation for what she does do.  She's an awesome wife, and our sex life has never been better!

I think I often project male sexuality onto her.  For example, barring a death in my family or a national tragedy or a job loss, I am ready to go sexuality at a hint of Suzy's interest in sex.  I think I assume that if it's been a day or two, that she wants me to service her.  It just makes sense to me.  I flip the roles, and think: if Suzy lusted after me every day and wanted to blow me every day, why would I ever refuse that?  Female sexuality is not like that.  I have to remind myself that.  At the end of the day, I do think she likes sex now more than any other time in our marriage (she's hit her sexual peak), and I can do things like sexting and massaging that can get her in the mood, but sometimes she just isn't interested.  I need to respect that better.

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I hope this helps a bit.  As I said before, I hope to "interview" Suzy at some point, and I can follow up with subsequent self-interviews.

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