Sunday, May 6, 2012

What is Dominant Sex?

Does Suzy like to dominate me?
What does she define as dominant?
On my last post, Tamara had asked a question about what Suzy defined as dominant sex.  I had to think about that some.  After Suzy's orgasm Friday night, I attempted to bring this up.

We didn't get that far.  Suzy was tired and wanted to sleep.  She also kept avoiding the questions I was asking her.  We did agree on a couple of things: that I am truly a submissive male and want to be dominated during our sex play, and that we both enjoy cock and ball torture.

Neither of those agreements would come as a surprise to anyone who's ever read my blog before.  I have screwed up a fair amount lately, so Suzy I think is questioning a lot about whether or not we are a female lead relationship.

What do I define as dominant sex?  I have been thinking about this some.  The main purpose of this blog is to communicate to Suzy what I like.  I think I am pretty transparent.  I think my definition of female dominant sex boils down to a disparity (or "the double standard") and control.

Double Standard
I feel dominated when there is a disparity or double standard between us sexually.  This can be manifested in:

  • Cunnilingus: I love doing it to her, but rarely get fellatio in return.  This is not to say that I don't like or want fellatio, but rather, it makes me feel dominated to perform but not receive.
  • Massages: She gets long foot rubs when we watch Desperate Housewives; I don't think she's ever given me a foot massage.
  • Orgasms: I have kept a short diary of our orgasms in the "Orgasm Tracker" page.  Over a few months sampling size, she has climaxed three times per every male orgasm.  There have been periods (I had kept track on a spreadsheet before) where she has come ten or eleven times in a row.
  • Orgasm intensity: There is no question in my mind that her orgasms are longer and more intense than mine.
  • Clothes: CFNM (clothed female, naked male) is a big fetish of mine.  I feel so vulnerable when I am naked.  That vulnerability is intensified when she is clothed.  Suzy made a comment about this during one of our recent "quickies" and I pretty much came right after that.
  • Cuckolding (fantasy): This is looking like it won't happen, but what a turn on that Suzy can play with other men and I must remain monogamous to her.
Found this on another blog:
The unfocused background shows the male satisfying the woman
 while his cock is unattended, but aroused.
Giving up control over my body or over my behavior is very erotic and makes me feel dominated.  She can do this through:

  • Orgasm Control A: I am turned on by her having final authority over whether I come.
  • Orgasm Control B: If a male orgasm is a go, the intensity of my orgasm is inversely related to the control over which I have over the orgasm.  Masturbation (don't worry, Suzy, I haven't done this in ages!) is the ultimate control.  I can alter the pressure and rhythm and have control over when I ejaculate.  This is true to a lesser extent with man on top sex, where I can pause or speed up the thrusting.  With female on top sex, I have much less control, and usually I can't come in this position.  If I am restrained and she is giving me a handjob, I have zero control.  I feel dominated and, all things equal, have the best orgasms this way.
  • Orders: Suzy has said she is not comfortable with giving me orders, but sometimes she does tell me what to do.  What a turn on!  As an example, she will tell me to get out certain spanking implements.
  • Pain: I am a masochist, I like it when Suzy is rough with me.  I feel controlled and dominated when I spread my legs so that she can get better access to my balls, to slap them.
  • Restraints: Being bound and incapable of movement is the ultimate loss of control.
  • Being used: One night, Suzy was horny and I was asleep.  She came in and stroked my cock till it was erect, then mounted me and climaxed.  She rolled off me, kissed me, and said, "I hope you can get back to sleep".

*  *  *  *  *
I doubt that's a comprehensive list, and certainly there is overlap between those two areas of the double standard and control.  Getting back to Tamara's original question: what does Suzy define as dominant sex?  I know that she enjoys most, if not all of the items here.  Some she might not view as dominant.  Does Suzy "like" to dominate me, or does she do those things because I like them?  I don't know the complete answer on that.  Like I said in the intro, I know Suzy enjoys busting my balls.  I know that she enjoys her orgasms.  I don't know if she appreciates what these things do, for me as a submissive husband... how much I crave them.

1 comment:

  1. love the video...
    Glad you are enjoying your lifestyle!