Thursday, September 29, 2011

Corporate female dominance

Suzy can be "the boss" at home

In order to avoid lawsuits, my company requires us to take several training programs each year.  They are really lame and usually I grin and bear them.  They have some pretty contrived scenarios and require you to answer some questions before it allows you to advance.  I guess to keep your attention.  Well, this year had a different flavor to it.  The anti-harassment portion had a recurring scenario around a female supervisor that wanted to date her male employee.  Yes, the scenarios are contrived.  I can't imagine anyone thinking that's ok, but that was the scenario and it did keep me interested, from an FLR standpoint.

The first scene involved the female manager asking her male employee out to dinner at her place.  Wow.  He felt obligated to say yes, for possible repercussions if he said no.  That just seemed so completely awkward to me.  I have had a number of bosses, and probably about third of them were women, although typically this was earlier in my career and they were a generation older than me.  So it was still hard for me to think of that as a realistic scenario based upon my experience.  However, I can't help from a fantasy standpoint thinking that was sexy in the sense that a dominant woman controlling the strings of a subservient male at work and then socially in the dating realm would be overwhelming for a submissive male like myself.

The scenario went on to imply that they were in fact dating (awkward!) and then they broke up.  During the sub's review period, he got a terrible review, no bonus, and a terrible raise.  So, of course, he accuses the supervisor of retaliating because he called off their relationship and she says it's a fair assessment of his performance since he didn't produce.  A perfect opportunity to highlight some of the company's HR policies, of course, but you had to see this coming.  I was mildly interested in this training on account of the female dominant "story line".

Suzy and I don't roleplay much.  She has a catwoman costume and that was a HOT experience.  All of my roleplaying fantasies have to do with female dominant / male submissive perspective (go figure).  We have talked about Suzy being a cop and me being a criminal or convict.  It just so happens that we went into a Halloween shop and, of course, I saw a bunch of female cop costumes.  The last time we discussed this, Suzy insisted that such a costume come with real handcuffs.  Here's to a sexy Halloween!  Bring on the police brutality!

"Prepare for your body cavity search, you perp!"

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Part of the humor in this was that I never "dated" during my professional working career.  Suzy and I were married right after college, so it struck me as odd when co-workers were dating one another.  Odd in the sense that things could just go south really quickly.  And an employment situation is a much more confined space than a school setting.

Friday, September 23, 2011

1st Blogoversary

Happy Fall!  I realize that the anniversary of the start of this blog was two days ago.  As I was trying to wake up this morning, I was thinking about this.  What has changed in a year's time?

  • It has certainly been refreshing to me to be able to write out my sexual fantasies.  Having an outlet to discuss my fantasies is very liberating to me.
  • I was startled when Suzy started her own blog.  I wonder where she might be going with it.
  • It has been fun seeing Suzy get into various kinks.  Ball torture seems to be her main kinky activity; it is rare for us to 'play' without her being rough on my boys.  I have asked her why she enjoys it and she has offered a few different explanations.
  • My CFNM fantasy is alive and well.  I gather that either Suzy enjoys it too, or she 'puts up with it'.  I am always buck naked when we play and Suzy usually has some sort of covering.  As I have said before, I love it when Suzy is naked.  It's not that I want her parts covered - not at all!!!  It's that I feel an extra level of submission and vulnerability when there is the contrast between my nudity and her partial nudity.
  • There is certainly lots of female dominate/male submissive fantasies we've yet to explore.  I guess it relates to Suzy's comfort with dominating me and what she wants
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We have been in a "down" cycle in our FLR.  Life is getting in the way, I suppose.  That's the main explanation for my reduced blogging activity.  Suzy is still working through her new job, I am working through some personal things, and we are, unfortunately, not connecting much.  Here's to a new blog-year of FLR exploration!  Cheers!

Friday, September 9, 2011

FLR Blues

Suzy exercising her authority
I hope Suzy isn't bothered by this
photo; the dominance and
submission here really turns me on
 Our FLR and our sex life in general are on hold.  There are many reasons for this: job stress, I am under the weather, many outside of school child activities, etc.  We had a brief moment to talk together the other day.  Queen Suzy brought up comments on her blog site, and remarked that many of the subhub blogs on my blog list (the one to the right) indicate that others' FLR's are also on hold.  Perhaps this is the season to put off husband domination.  To top it off, my wife received the following comment on her blog:

From reading both your blog and his, it is not clear to me that he truly wants an FLM -- he seems mostly interested in writing about his fantasies and getting you to fulfill them. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's definitely not an FLM. 

In an FLM, the husband surrenders his fantasies and submits to the wife's authority. His pleasure and fulfillment come from serving and obeying her. It can happen by degrees, but that's the essence of it. One thing he cannot do is deliberately provoke her in order to be punished. 

My suggestion to you is that you have a honest discussion with your husband about what he wants and about what you expect. If they don't jibe or if you're uncertain of his commitment regardless of what he says, you may wish to defer an FLM until he is ready to commit. 

My personal experience tells me that FLMs work best when there is a written contract negotiated by husband and wife and signed by both. But, that's another discussion!

This comment was from "EB".  As I was preparing her breakfast, she mentioned this comment  specifically; I became erect and formed an erection "tent" in my pajamas (not because I agreed or disagreed with the comment, but because it excited me that she brought up the subject to me).  I asked her if she agreed with the sentiment and she said she did.  I have been thinking about this remark since then, trying to wrap my head around it.  Here are my initial thoughts:

  • While I don't know that I entirely agree, I do appreciate the comment from 'EB'.
  • A primary function of my blog is to articulate my fantasies.  Suzy acknowledges this, and I believe enjoys hearing about them.  Suzy has historically not been comfortable discussing sex 1:1 with me, so this is a mechanism that we can use to discuss my innermost fantasies.  During our intimate times, Suzy may or may not discuss this with me.  But, as far as I can tell, Suzy enjoys reading my blog.
  • I think it's reasonable to conclude that my blog is focused on sex and sexual fantasies.  I consider the dominant (lol) theme to be my desire to submit to her in a sexual way.  I agree that most of my interest in this is bedroom play.  I realize from various websites and blogs that some feel strongly that FLR's must extend beyond the bedroom.  I have mixed feelings about this; I suspect that this topic would have to be covered in multiple posts.  Suffice it to say that there are some elements of outside the bedroom submission that interest me (her telling me what to do), and some that don't ("financial control", withholding my input on child-rearing).
  • I think that 'EB' would agree (as most do) that FLR's are defined within a particular relationship, and there is no one-size-fits-all.  I guess for me, as with many other things, FLR is very sexual.  Suzy seems to enjoy controlling me sexually, so I think we are mutually satisfied with that element of dominance/submission.
  • I generally agree that we ought to have some sort of FLR agreement as soon as Suzy figures out what she wants.  Maybe a three month trial run and then a mutual assessment.  There are certain limitations as to what level of outside the bedroom service I will accept/can handle.  We have had issues with this in the past and I think she understands my rationale.  It's not that I don't want to serve her, it's that with a demanding job and a desire to have some interaction with my kids, I really can't.  I have fantasized about being a "househusband" and doing all the chores naked, but that's just not practical right now.
  • I am open to the idea that maybe an FLR isn't what we both want or need.  I suspect that Suzy could just decide it's too much work for her, or that what she wants isn't compatible with what I want.  I don't know where that would leave us, what might change, etc.  That would be sad, I suppose, but entirely possible.
  • I had understood from Suzy that the primary blockage for our FLR was my topping from the bottom.  I feel that I have made some good progress on that.  I was hoping that eliminating this behavior, reinforced with her punishments for infractions, would increase her interest in FLR.
With those initial thoughts, I must confess that I am depressed.  I feel like we have not connected at all lately.  I am also depressed that I haven't had a quality erection in a while.  I am a sexual person, and withdrawing that erotic piece of our lives is disconcerting to me.

I welcome additional input, especially from 'EB'.  Thanks for your comment.  It's rare that Suzy goes out of her way to mention blog posts/comments to me, so you should be honored ;-)