Saturday, August 27, 2011

FLR on hold

Queen Suzy has hit the pause button on our FLR, although there seem to be elements of her domination of me that remain... a hint of things to come?

My Queen confirmed that we are on an FLR "break".  I don't know what that means entirely, but she has confirmed that she has hit the pause button and that she won't resume it until she reads Uniquely Rika and has some time to think about tailoring it to her needs.  My guess is that could spill well into September.  In the mean time, she has shown (see prior posts) that she can/will/enjoys dominating me sexually. 

I am a little frightened: if this is an FLR on hold, what happens when the tigress is fully unleashed?!?!  I confess that when I read her post about finding the right punishment for me, I was both aroused and frightened.  The idea of her devising a torture that I won't enjoy is hard for me to get my head around.  I would assume that such a punishment would involve me submitting to her in some way (i.e., allowing her to tie me up, assuming a position, etc.); which frankly would arouse me.  If you recall this post, arousal is claimed to increase pain tolerance.  So logically, if she administers a torture on me, designed so that I don't like it, I will be accepting of additional pain and she will be aggressively trying to cause me pain to teach me a lesson.  This is not looking good for me! 

I'm sure the tigress will be back!

In spite of being on a break, there have been elements of male submission in our day-to-day lives.  When we have a moment alone, she will quickly knee me in the balls or swat at my groin.  I have made her breakfast almost every day, and she is quite verbal about pointing out that I need to get a move on so that she can eat to meet her daily routine.  When her sister "Debi" was here, I had made some breakfast for myself, and she said something like "oh, thanks for making me breakfast; what are YOU going to eat?"  That put me into deep subspace.  As I have written about before, I have an excitement/scared view of others' being let in my submission to Suzy.  And she said this right in front of Debi.  She said she was just kidding, but I gave it up to her and then "re-made" my own breakfast.  Suzy NEVER does anything sexual in the mornings, and this was just so unexpected and dominate that it really turned me on.  I'm sure I became erect right away.  Another thing she has been doing lately is telling me what I can eat.  I try to follow a "low carb" diet and am really trying to get some 6-pack abs.  Both yesterday and today, Suzy criticized me for eating something I shouldn't have - publicly.  While she did the opposite.  I do get aroused by her telling me to make her a drink.  So far, my submission has mainly been in the bedroom.  I am starting to wonder if this apparent trend will continue.

Our sex frequency has gone way down, but she has taken some elements of dominating me.  That makes me think she enjoys that.  I get a huge rush of excitement being naked before her, exposing my obvious excitement for and to her.  I have been fantasizing a lot about having some sex play outside in our backyard; me naked, her clothed.

*  *  *  *  *
I have been away from the blogging world for a while.  Our household has been turned upside down as a result of the recent changes in employment and school routines resuming.  Today was the first day in a while that I have checked out my usual blogs and I must say that I am quite aroused right now.  I hope that we can have some "playtime" tonight.

While I respect Suzy's thought process around discovering the elements of FLR that she wants, and dominating me per her needs, I crave to submit to her.  I want her to spank me SOOOO bad.  I hope that I can be patient and allow our FLR to run its course - her way!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Submissive male "bromance"

First of all, I have some whining to do.  It appears that the femdom blog activity has gone down quite a bit lately.  I suppose that might be due to late summer vacations or back-to-school activities or whatnot.  Suzy has been easing into her new job and has had no time to read my blog, deal with her own blog, or read other blogs.  What a bummer!  She has asked me if I have received any comments on my posts, and I haven't =(.  I'm hoping the lack of comments isn't indicative of my posts being boring but rather reflective of the general decrease in femdom blog activity that I perceive to be happening.
Ahh, a burgeoning "bromance" *sigh*

I am not the most gregarious person in the world; I am usually pretty picky when it comes to my choosing friends and have normally had a few close friends rather than a whole bunch of acquaintances.  As a result, I rarely "go out with the guys".  Very rarely, a husband of one of her girlfriends will organize some sort of dude's night and we will go drink beer (primarily) and maybe play poker.  In contrast, Suzy has always been big on hanging with her girlfriends and we have even had some fun play around that (an expected lockup period for me, with play when she returns).  I enjoy going out and especially drinking beer and such; however, men seem almost incapable of organizing this kind of thing successfully, whereas, Suzy's girlfriends have an efficient infrastructure in place for such things.  So, it's not that I don't want to do things with other dudes, it's just that it is a really low priority, and I am not the person to "make it happen".

Alas, I have a submissive male friend that I met through a femdom website.  It was dumbluck that we live in the same general area.  I have met him for dinner (+ beer!) maybe half a dozen times.  We have a fair amount in common apart from a desire to submit to our wives.  Our degrees are similar and it seems like we are both ambitious in our careers.  I bartended for a surprise B-day party for his wife, so I have met her once.  They are nice people.  He tends to want to go to more exotic places like sushi and thai - stuff like that.  We talked a bit about Uniquely Rika last night and he said that Suzy would like the first two chapters a lot.  I think it's fair to say that he is a bit of a submissive mentor to me in the sense that he supports and encourages my submission to Suzy.  He is very knowledgeable about matriarchal societies and goddess worship; he seems to be a female supremacist type, although I don't think he would necessarily agree to that label.  I think it is fair to say that he is somewhat of an ambassador for the benefits of a female lead relationship.

He has asked a few times if we would be interested in "double dating", and offered that they would come up our way to meet us.  I think I have broached this idea with Suzy and I am not sure what her thoughts are on that idea.  Our wives have a couple of things in common; they are both starting new jobs in the same general profession.  He joked that they could talk about that, not necessarily tips on how to dominate their submissive hubbys.  Although that would be exciting too, lol!

*  *  *  *  *
We haven't been able to play at all lately on account of Suzy's new job.  This is hard for me to handle.  I have stated before that I get a bit depressed if I do not achieve a full, satisfying erection after a while.  This is a relatively new thing, it could be related to my increased libido or it could be that I am a bit antsy about the relative reduction in erections I am getting as I age.  As I think I have stated before, I can get hard consistently with stimulation (sometimes my foreplay is her coming - and I get hard every time for that!) but I have noticed that my erection quality isn't what it used to be.  For example, Suzy could play with my ass or perineum (which feels great and is very sexual) but I usually do lose my erection without that direct cock stimulation.

Because of the relative lack of mistress-slave time, I am quite horny.  Suzy said something along the lines that this was hornier than she wants me to be.  I guess for a domme it's a fine line in how to manage your sub.  As a result, I have a fair amount of topics I want to blog about.  But I will try to let her catch up with them...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Hurts so good

Glad I found this shot: certainly
appeals to my CFNM interests!
 Our routine has been thrown upside down.  Suzy will be starting a new job soon, the circumstances of which were a bit of a whirlwind.  She has been stressed out a bit and I had to finally go back to work too.  As a result, Suzy wasn't in the mood for playing but she did indicate that we could play Saturday night.  She also suggested that our vanilla sex would continue until she finished reading Uniquely Rika, had a chance to think about relating it to her desires, and then put together an agreement that I would sign.  As I indicated in my last post, I am excited but nervous about what this might entail.

Suzy has her monthly visitor, so intercourse was out of the question.  Suzy wore a sexy but covered bedtime outfit and I kissed her a bit, caressed her a bit, and then went straight to the Hitachi Magic Wand, which effectively overcomes her pad.  She came in no time - it surprised even her - and it was lovely.  She grabbed my scrotum the entire time, firmly pulling on it.  In fact, she was noticeably aggressive with doing so, to the point that I was periodically yelping in pain.  I've blogged about this "I need something to grab" game that we like to play before; it's just becoming more common that during her orgasm she wants to grab either my cock or balls.

I wasn't sure what to expect after her orgasm.  I was completely naked and erect, dripping from the foreplay.  She told me she was going to "take care of me" (which is our euphemism for a handjob) and so I laid down with my genitals in front of her, legs spread in an OB-GYN type of position.  This gives her a lot of access to choose how she wants to stimulate me.  She started out with nice gentle foreplay and I became very aroused.  She then alternated among gently stimulated my balls, stroking my cock, smacking my nuts, and so on.  She "edged" me several times, meaning she stimulated my cock to where I was on the edge of coming and then played or tortured my balls.  She did some penis slapping too, which is a torture she doesn't do that often.  She did something new, too, which was that she would stop the manual stimulation and then tease me that I didn't know what sensation she was going to give me: ball torture or cock stroking.  A lot of what I enjoy about her taking control of my cock is the unpredictability of what I am going to get.  Very hot!!

She makes it hurt so good!
For the finale, she used both hands: one smacking my balls and the other stroking my cock.  She made a joke about how difficult that was but she maintained that for quite some time.  She also laughed and said, "it's like that song: it hurts so good!".  Indeed.  That is about the best way to describe it.  Suzy seems to enjoy this sort of torture.  From a male standpoint, the sensations are "confusing".  The cock stroking feels so good and the ball torture is painful.  It's a hot way to play, and I love it.  She usually is quite verbal about this "predicament" and seems to enjoy the confusion of sensations that it represents.  I came HARD.  While my load didn't shoot that far, I am sure that the load was bigger than average and I had quite a mess to pick up.  I was really out of sorts: I was near paralysis and had a hard time even thinking/speaking.

*  *  *  *  *
I was reflecting on this session in light of our prior vacation vanilla sex.  As my last post said, our vanilla sex has been really great.  Mainly missionary sex, I haven't had the best stamina, but my orgasms have been great.  Suzy seems to like the vanilla sex.  Maybe because it's less involved?  I am not sure where we are going with our wife lead marriage.  Our family is going through a lot of transitions (new job, school, etc.) so Suzy is stressed and hasn't had a lot of time to play or to blog or to read Uniquely Rika.  My impression is that once things settle in, she will reflect on what she wants and then take charge.

I thought we were on a femdom "timeout" before the session I described above (which happened over the weekend) and then voila! she teased and denied me last night.  I am certainly becoming much better at not topping from the bottom.  When she decided she wanted to deny me, I simply accepted it, got dressed, and went to bed.  I wish I knew what she was thinking about this!


Monday, August 8, 2011

Vanilla Appreciation

Our vacation was perfect....we recharged and reconnected as a family
 I had a chance to catch up on some of my blogs last night.  I was really tired, otherwise I should have posted something more substantial, since I was really thinking alot about the status of our wife lead marriage.

My mind is wandering a bit right now.  Our vacation was great.  I was really looking forward to having a lot of sex and I had a feeling it was going to be more on the vanilla side.  Even though I really enjoy submission to Suzy, and for her to dominate me, I do think from time to time that regular, vanilla sex is nice.  And it was.  I think we each had three orgasms and they were really very powerful.  I think we had fun.  One thing that struck with me during our drive back was for the last session we had, we did missionary sex and she used the whip on my balls as I ejaculated in her.  Compared to other recent sex play we've done, that was relatively tame.  Physically, it may not have been the best climax that I had, but psychologically it was extremely satisfying for me.  It seemed like an a-ha moment to me, in that I really enjoy, on a psychological level, her dominating me.  It felt so natural to me that after having some really satisfying vanilla sex, I interrupted our session to get a flogging instrument for her to whack at my balls as I came.  And it really seemed like she liked it too.

Our vacation helped me to both appreciate vanilla sex play...

So, where am I going with this?  I am saying I like having vanilla sex from time to time - that it is nice to take a bit of a break from our dominance/submission role playing - but the male submission and female domination that we have exploring is also us.  I don't think this is a contradiction, and I am curious to know Suzy's thoughts.

I have thought alot about Suzy's blog, the comments she's received on her posts, and where we might go from here.  I will be the first to admit that I am often very poor at reading Suzy, even though we have been married for 15+ years.  I would say that she seems to enjoy dominating me and she may be interested in taking more control over me.  She seems to enjoy getting feedback from her blog and wants to learn/share with other dominant women.  That makes me very excited.  I enjoy what I perceive to be Suzy's active interest in our sex play.  She has Uniquely Rika in her hands to review.  I think she is going to read this book (it's only about 100 pages) and then consider her next steps in terms of a more formal arrangement in dominating me. well as help me to appreciate my wife's
 willingness to explore a femdom relationship.

This would include how she intends to punish me when I don't live up to her expectations.  I am excited but nervous about the punishment piece.  In our past play, she essentially rewarded me for when I was really good: when I bartended for her, when I watched the kids so she could party, etc.  She would reward me with cock and ball torture, spanking, lockup in the chastity device, orgasm denial, etc.  I suspect that won't change, but I can easily venture some guesses into what she might do to me that would be designed to truly punish me.  Would I be excited by this added control?  Or truly fearful of this punishment?

*  *  *  *  *

When I said that I don't always read Suzy right, I wasn't kidding.  It's entirely possible that she might feel like being a domme is "too much work".  When I first started reading male chastity forums, I thought it was kind of a joke that being a "keyholder" was a lot of work.  I actually think that's accurate.  There's a lot more to it than just wearing your hubby's chastity key around her neck.  Keeping a dominated male teased and interested and feeling loved takes a fair amount of attention and creativity.  As a horny male, I feel much needier.  During my week of chastity, it made all the difference in the world if she texted me and said something like "how's my locked subhub doing this morning?  thinking of me?"

What is Suzy thinking???
Likewise, I am really raring to go.  I want her to read the book and "make the rules".  I want to play sexually.  I want her to blog and read her comments on other blogs.  I am interested to know what role the chastity cage will play going forward.  What does she want my release schedule to look like?  What does she really think about a threesome/cuckolding?  What does she think about transitioning from female dominance play to vanilla sex and back to female dominance?  Should I be afraid, or excited about her burgeoning dominance of her husband?

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Assessing the damage

We just got back from our vacation.  We had a great time.  I am thinking about the damage I did for my quest for a six pack abs and then eventually the credit card damage.  I am looking forward to catching up on some blogs and getting back into our routine.

Assessing the damage =(