Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Topping from the Bottom Dilemma

I love talking about sex
Suzy dominated me last night, and so many thoughts are running through my head that I am having a hard time focusing on what to write about.  I get into trouble from a female led relationship standpoint when I make "suggestions".  One of the key purposes of this blog is a communication tool.  I love discussing sex.  I fancy having a "sportcenter"-like recap of our sex play.  Before our session, Suzy could be interviewed about what her plans are for me and how she would like me to pleasure her.  Afterwords, she could comment on my sexual performance, critiquing my staying power and the quality of her orgasms.

I digress.

It appears that a major obstacle in our FLR is "topping from the bottom".  This is a commonly used phrase in the submissive male world that describes when a submissive man is trying to direct his dominant's behavior.  I struggle with this a lot.  I am a pervert and I have a wild imagination.  As evidence of that, I am confident that I will never run out of things to blog about when it comes to sex.  I have about ten topics in my head right now. 

I am probably better off "zipping it" during our sex play
 I realize intellectually that Suzy knows what I am interested in trying and what I like, kinky-wise.  I struggle with, why aren't we doing that?  And then I make suggestions.  This turns her off and she gets frustrated and sometimes even angry.  I am not just kinky, I am impatient.  My suspicion is that she is not comfortable with certain things.  I would like to know if there is anything that I can do to talk through that with her.  I love her very much and love trying new sexual stuff with her.  Perhaps I haven't been as grateful and appreciative of the stuff that she does do.  We have had some pretty wild, kinky times!

*  *  *  *  *

Last night I was a "good boy".  I didn't top from the bottom.  It was a fun night.  Suzy had a girls night out and got home late.  It was a planning event for a bigger girls weekend that they are having this summer.  I put the kids to bed and then I removed my chest hair.  She had indicated that she liked my bare chest and it had grown back from the first time.  She came in from the bathroom topless and told me that I wasn't allowed to touch her breasts.  I massaged her for a little while, but I could tell she was open to an orgasm and she allowed me to flip her over for some female pleasure.  We kissed rather passionately.  She is on her period, so we used the Hitachi Magic wand.  She grabbed my erect cock and really squeezed hard during her orgasm.  I then massaged her while she stroked my cock some more.  After a few minutes, I grabbed the vibrator again and she accepted a second orgasm.  She allowed me to massage her some more.  She played briefly with my chest and then we went to bed.

I get excited when she is out with her girlfriends... I fantasize that they talk about their husbands and sex a lot.  That's not the case, but hey, it's my fantasy....
 There were so many times I wanted to say something, but I refrained.  I wanted to ask her how long she would deny me.  I wanted to ask her whether she wanted to lock me up in my chastity belt during the girls weekend trip.  I wanted to "make suggestions".  But I didn't.  She seemed pleased.


  1. I'm not sure that keeping quiet about one's desires is a good thing. How many things that you might suggest trying would she really enjoy, but won't get to because you're concerned that an honest discussion might be perceived as topping from the bottom?

    Shouldn't a submissive husband be encouraged to offer up ideas, which, of course, his wife has the unfailing right to veto?

    Communication between loving D/s partners is as important as is between any loving couple.

  2. This is a constant dilemma isn't it? It's all very well taking this view but honestly, if I hadn't suggested all this stuff to Mistress R I wouldn't be in chastity, I wouldn't ever have licked her ass, I wouldn't ever have been fucked with a strap-on... the list is just endless. It's not that she's against these things, it's just that she would never think of them herself and if she did I'm not sure she would be confident enough to suggest them.

  3. Harry and Robert,

    What is your definition of "Topping from the Bottom?" Just curious!

  4. Quickly and off the top of my head:

    A genuine request from a sub, made in hopes of pleasing his Domme can't be considered as topping from the bottom. If he happens to benefit as well, that's fine. Almost anything else could be considered as TFTB, particularly if it results in whining and pouting if denied, or if it is plainly meant to satisfy the sub's particular kinks.

  5. I should add that I'm not the best qualified to offer up a definition. My relationship with my wife CH, isn't heavy on D/s. While I do much for her (cooking and housekeeping) and defer to her is a lot of situations, our sexual relationship is more kink than D/s. We communicate rather openly, so, if I were her sub, I'd definitely be guilty of TFTB, by my own definition.

  6. Hey Guys, thanks for the comments! I am especially pleased that my Suzy has made a comment on my blog!

    Perhaps I need to clarify. This blog primarily serves the purpose of communicating my submissive desires to my Queen. We have tried a lot of the suggestions. It so happens that I am the type of guy that gets frustrated that I only have three ways to get to work. I like variety and I enjoy working out what I believe to be my engrained submissive nature. We've been married nearly 17 years and I am looking forward to our playtimes each day; sex has never been better.

    This blog, and perhaps sexting and "offline" discussions, are safe times where I can discuss my fantasies and kinks with her. What she does not like is for me to "suggest" things I want her to do to me when we are playing. I think that's how Suzy defined TFTB and it basically devalues her as being in charge. I am slowly getting this.

    I hope that Suzy will clarify further if I am wrong.

  7. I am sure that keeping quiet is what she wants and yet I want to talk. It turns me on - A dilemah.

    I also would like her to talk me through what she would like. Touch here, don't touch now, watch, you on top, me on top etc etc. But she does not talk much if at all during sex or foreplay.

    I also dream about the girls night out. What they talk about. Does she say that I am submissive or want to be whipped? I do have one fond memory. Just one time. half a dozen of us couples were out on the town. Patyting, dancing, drinking. My wife and one of the other wives who also had had a little too much to drink were all over each other tongue kissing long and hard. Mate I was so turned on watching. I told both my wife and the other lady in the days after that I was quite OK with it. I dream of them doing that again on a girls night out. Doubt if it would happen and its funny I feel no sense of betrayl the way I would if she did the same to a man. Strange?

  8. I usually don't post on my husband's blog but do read then. Here are my thoughts on this. It sounds like everyone may be misunderstanding me. It's not that I do not want to hear his desires and wishes and kinkiness! I appreciate his openness with me and his ability to talk to me. I think my frustrations come from the fact that I have heard them over and over and over again. I know what he likes. I try new things. I will do them when I feel ready to. This is an example of what upsets me, I will deny lovetosubmit for a few days. Then I make a comment like "I am going to make you wait a week until you get to be relieved!" Then, say, the next day... I decide to change my mind and tell him I want him to cum inside me now. He will then say, "I thought you wanted to make me go a whole week". (This is probably his way of telling me what he wants! But isn't that supposed to be my decision?) This is what I feel is topping from the bottom. I feel that by him telling me this at that time it makes me feel inadequate and like I am not pleasing him. That comment takes away all my authority that I am supposed to have in a FLR. I am open to trying new things and will listen to him. I read his blog and his e-mails and texts, but in the end...shouldn't it be when I am ready and when I want to? I guess, this may be the first topic for my new blog...

  9. He is a sub. You know what he wants/likes but that doesnt mean he has to have anything he wants/likes. His pleasure should come from pleasing you ,responding to your wishes,obeying you.
    Treat him like a sub.

  10. a person smarter than I once said...if you don't want to top from the're only utterance should be the word "ok"....stick with that and you'll be just fine when it comes to being a patient and obedient sub.