Thursday, June 30, 2011

Submissive fitness


I may be going through a bit of a mid-life crisis.  I am rapidly approaching 40 and sometimes feel like I haven't always "smelled the roses".  Get busy living, or get busy dying (quote from Shawshank Redemption).

I had a serious injury that required surgery about 4 years ago and I had to go through quite a bit of rehab in order to heal properly.  I got used to going to the gym and, while I was there, I worked out the non-injured body parts too.  I have been going 3x a week for several years now.  While I don't quite have the muscle development I want, I am decently fit and have never been physically stronger.  I really quite enjoy the slight soreness that comes after a good weightlifting session.

A major goal of mine: looking good naked.

I do not work out aerobically as much as I should.  I generally follow a "lower carb" diet (South Beach) and avoid pasta, bread, potatoes, and baked goods.  My weakness is free food and alcohol.  I have a hard time turning down baked stuff brought into work and hors doevres (sorry for the spelling!) and alcohol is something I enjoy probably more than I should.  That leads to a bit of a gut that I have been more disappointed with lately.  This was made more plain when I shaved my chest.  My pecs looked good - in fact, I think better - shaved, since it showed my muscle development.  Plus it has the added benefit of giving better access to my nipples (wink, wink).  My gut area, however, didn't look so good.  I was a bit frustrated and realized I might not ever have "six pack abs".  This shaving episode made me really focus on being more disciplined with my diet/drinking and aerobic exercise.

I will never get this big, but I do enjoy the slight soreness from lifting weights.

I had set a goal to lose about 10 pounds in June.  I came up about 2-3 pounds short, but that was mainly because I went off the wagon for Father's Day.  I am hoping to continue being disciplined so that when we go on vacation, I can look good.

How does this relate to female domination?  When I am working out my added motivation is to think of making my body more attractive for Suzy.  It is extremely reinforcing when she caresses my body and compliments me on my muscles.  It makes me want to get bigger and lose my gut.  I feel a sense of urgency because of my advancing age.  I want six packs.  It is likely I will fall short of that, but a man needs something to shoot for!

I love it when Suzy inspects my body.

*  *  *  *  *
In spite of my chest shaving, I don't consider myself a "metrosexual".  I am not into doing crazy crap with my hair or getting my nails done, and I do struggle with watching chick flicks.  I think I'm a guy's guy.  I don't act offended when I see a guy with a good body.  I more admire it and wonder what he might be doing that I can learn from.  It's kind of like when woman say of other women: "she's so pretty".  My wife has said several times that she thinks Angelina Jolie is beautiful.  I don't think that means she wants to jump in bed and have sex with her.  Likewise, I can see a good looking, fit man and admire his discipline and try to see what I can incorporate into my routine.  Is that weird?

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Topping from the Bottom Dilemma

I love talking about sex
Suzy dominated me last night, and so many thoughts are running through my head that I am having a hard time focusing on what to write about.  I get into trouble from a female led relationship standpoint when I make "suggestions".  One of the key purposes of this blog is a communication tool.  I love discussing sex.  I fancy having a "sportcenter"-like recap of our sex play.  Before our session, Suzy could be interviewed about what her plans are for me and how she would like me to pleasure her.  Afterwords, she could comment on my sexual performance, critiquing my staying power and the quality of her orgasms.

I digress.

It appears that a major obstacle in our FLR is "topping from the bottom".  This is a commonly used phrase in the submissive male world that describes when a submissive man is trying to direct his dominant's behavior.  I struggle with this a lot.  I am a pervert and I have a wild imagination.  As evidence of that, I am confident that I will never run out of things to blog about when it comes to sex.  I have about ten topics in my head right now. 

I am probably better off "zipping it" during our sex play
 I realize intellectually that Suzy knows what I am interested in trying and what I like, kinky-wise.  I struggle with, why aren't we doing that?  And then I make suggestions.  This turns her off and she gets frustrated and sometimes even angry.  I am not just kinky, I am impatient.  My suspicion is that she is not comfortable with certain things.  I would like to know if there is anything that I can do to talk through that with her.  I love her very much and love trying new sexual stuff with her.  Perhaps I haven't been as grateful and appreciative of the stuff that she does do.  We have had some pretty wild, kinky times!

*  *  *  *  *

Last night I was a "good boy".  I didn't top from the bottom.  It was a fun night.  Suzy had a girls night out and got home late.  It was a planning event for a bigger girls weekend that they are having this summer.  I put the kids to bed and then I removed my chest hair.  She had indicated that she liked my bare chest and it had grown back from the first time.  She came in from the bathroom topless and told me that I wasn't allowed to touch her breasts.  I massaged her for a little while, but I could tell she was open to an orgasm and she allowed me to flip her over for some female pleasure.  We kissed rather passionately.  She is on her period, so we used the Hitachi Magic wand.  She grabbed my erect cock and really squeezed hard during her orgasm.  I then massaged her while she stroked my cock some more.  After a few minutes, I grabbed the vibrator again and she accepted a second orgasm.  She allowed me to massage her some more.  She played briefly with my chest and then we went to bed.

I get excited when she is out with her girlfriends... I fantasize that they talk about their husbands and sex a lot.  That's not the case, but hey, it's my fantasy....
 There were so many times I wanted to say something, but I refrained.  I wanted to ask her how long she would deny me.  I wanted to ask her whether she wanted to lock me up in my chastity belt during the girls weekend trip.  I wanted to "make suggestions".  But I didn't.  She seemed pleased.

Monday, June 27, 2011

"What's the longest time you have gone without an orgasm?"

After the spectacular orgasm that I blogged about last time, we spent a day without sex and then I had an overnight camping/hiking weekend with the guys.  Absence does make the heart grow fonder, and I was ready to have some action tonight.  My wife, on the other hand, had other plans for me.  After an extended foot rub session, we went upstairs for bed.  As I was kissing and massaging her, it become clearer and clearer that she didn't want me to come.  In the heat of the moment, it's hard to remember the exact words that your dominant wife says to you. She said something along the lines of "how long have you gone, while being teased and denied, without orgasm?"  I actually didn't know the answer, but I could tell she was interested in setting a new orgasm denial record for me.

This wife is wearing the pants and holds the money...and he has no pants!
 Why didn't I know the answer?  I have typically measured my denial time in terms of the number of orgasms Suzy has, not based upon calendar days.  There is a historical rationale for this.  When we first started playing with male orgasm denial, I suggested that we roll a die to see how many orgasms she should get before I can come.  Sometimes, Suzy would add to this number either as a punishment or, well, because she could.  As a submissive, I felt like rather than waiting for a certain number of days before I get to come, I should instead focus on pleasuring Suzy.  In so doing, the onus was on me to give her the foreplay she needed to become excited to have an orgasm, and then carry on with pleasuring her.  I know that we have reached 7 female orgasms several times before I was allowed to come (six plus she comes before me).  Generally speaking, she used to come twice each session (although that's changed) and when we were really experimented with orgasm denial, we were having sex maybe four or five times a week.  So, that would take about a week's worth of wife only pleasure until I could come.  So I guess the answer is about a week.

Suzy was pretty specific that she wanted to extend that period and that she wanted to do so with heavy teasing.  She said that she "wanted to see me shake".  She didn't answer as to how long that would be, but she sure implied that it could be a while until I get to come.  I wonder if this is going to be a daily tease session and she is monitoring my reactions?  Am I a guinea pig???

Suzy seems to be going more and more towards kneeing me in the nuts.
 She teased me a lot.  I was wearing my thong and by the time she was done with teasing me, I had pre-come stains all through it.  Suzy informed me that she started her period but she did allow the Hitachi Magic Wand to send her to orgasmic bliss after she was done teasing my cock.  Suzy did a fair amount of ball torture and when I bent over to blow out the candle, she gave me a final ass tease*.  I had a hard time getting to sleep and got up to blog about it.

*I am curious, is there a "nicer" way to refer to my actual anal opening?  I don't really want to say "asshole" because of the negative connotations of that word.  I love it when she plays with that area, the feelings are just so intense!

Friday, June 24, 2011

The shoe is on the other foot

Normally, I write a lot about how exciting my wife Suzy's orgasms are to me.  Even though I am getting older and my erections aren't what they used to be, I am always rock hard as she approaches orgasm.  In fact, one game we play is that she will grip my cock or my balls during her climax.  The risk that she will let go, bear down really hard and cause me pain as she experiences such intense pleasure is really exciting to both of us: as a sub, I like that even her control of my genitals is out of her own control since she is lost in the ecstacy of her own orgasm.  There are times when her grip is vise-like. 

I love that her orgasms are so intense.  I love how as she is approaching the point of no return, she buckles her abdomen involuntarily and gently moans.  During the actual orgasm itself, she lets out loud moans of pleasure.  It is primal, animalistic in a sense.  She is completely lost in the moment, overcome by her own body's sensations.

I was feeling very amorous the other night.  I had been thinking about sex all day and was really raring to go for some play.  I locked the door, got naked and into the covers.  I was awaiting her exit from the bedroom and I was literally erect just thinking about our sex play.  She came in the bed, and I cuddled her and groped her body.  I got on top of her and tried to kiss her.  She said that she wasn't interested, that she was stressed out about an impending professional issue but she would masturbate me.

I complied, and lay down and she began stroking my cock.  It felt great.  With a handjob, she can stimulate my cock and balls simultaneously.  There wasn't any overt domination but she gently teased me saying, "why don't you have this kind of endurance during sex?".  I don't have a lot of endurance in missionary style penetration but I can go a while with handjobs and with the wife on top position.

In any case, I had a powerful orgasm via her hand.  I shot my load of semen onto my chest, which is pretty good nowadays.  On a relative orgasm scale, this was a 9 or a 10 for me.  What made this noteworthy is that my sexy wife, who had turned down my prior offer to pleasure her, got excited from my orgasm.  She was turned on by the intensity of my pleasure.  She told me that she now wanted to be pleasured.  After I cleaned up my mess, I made sure she was adequately satisfied.  Her orgasm, as usual, was intense and satisfying...for both of us.
*  *  *  *  *
I am wondering if she might shed some light on what turned her on so much about my orgasm.  My postulation is that she enjoyed the intensity of it.  My orgasms aren't as consistently intense as hers, and I think she detected that this was sort of an outlier session for me. 

I think I will post on what I think contributes to the intensity of my orgasms.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Teasing vs. Humiliation

Since we have started our femdom play, I have enjoyed teasing.  Physical teasing, when Suzy strokes my cock and then either decides that I don't "need" to come or the prolonged teasing results in a really powerful orgasm.  Ironically, when we were dating, Suzy did a lot of teasing and I didn't like it at all.  I didn't have the right submissive frame of mind, I suppose.  She would caress me right above my package and then "accidentally" brush my erect cock.  When she does that now, I still get incredibly frustrated, but I enjoy it as part of the buildup of sexual tension that either results in "sub-space" and shaking if she denies me, or a mind blowing ejaculation if she carries it through.

Verbal teasing is something that I have always enjoyed.  This could take the form of "dirty talk" which I truly love.  During sex, she talks about how she likes my big cock in her and that she can't wait for it to explode, and I never really last long after that.  She can literally talk me into coming.  Another aspect of verbal teasing is when she "smack talks" during a play session.  This is mainly when she is administering cock and ball torture.  I might moan or whine or complain about the pain and she will say things like "don't be a wimp"; "I'm not even hitting them that hard"; or probably the most intense for me: "take it like a man".  I am surprised myself that this turns me on.  It puts me deep into "sub-space" and makes me feel like all the control of my body and especially my manly bits are in her hands.  I have little say in the matter.  That turns me on.
From google image search "male humiliation"
I suppose I would have some performance anxiety if I peed here 
I wonder where the line is between teasing and humiliation.  Recently I have had some sharp bouts with premature ejaculation.  I don't last long at all when given the opportunity to penetrate her.  I think there are many factors that are at play here:

  • the buildup of sexual frustration from the teasing and denial sessions
  • Suzy's becoming more open at discussing sexual fantasies
  • the possibility that Suzy will begin posting on my blog and/or starting her own blog; and my excitement and anxiety over what she might post
Many submissive men crave to be humiliated by their dominants.  I didn't think that would be me, but some things Suzy has said that are borderline "humiliating" did indeed turn me on.  For example:

  • she teased (or humiliated?) me about my lack of stamina. 
  • she makes references to my vasectomy that I find mildly humiliating: such as saying she doesn't "need" my balls anymore and that I "shoot blanks". 
  • She plays to my cuckolding fantasies by openly discussing men she finds "hot".  One time, in front of a bunch of friends, she was asking about a music teacher for our children and she very loudly said, "is he cute"?
  • One time, we had "basement sex" and I was lying on the floor naked, her standing above me gently stimulating my backside while I masturbated to climax.
I have had a lot of sexual fantasies lately, many of which seem to be blurring the line between teasing and humiliation.  It is something that I would like to discuss with Suzy a bit more to see what she likes.

*  *  *  *  * 

I believe I have a typically fragile male ego.  Like many men, I am sensitive about my cock size, and anything having to do with my sexual prowess.  Just as I feel extremely powerful when I enable Suzy to climax through my own means (intercourse with her on top, cunnilingus, and fingering her clit), I feel deflated when I don't "measure up" so to speak.  I suppose it's two sides of the same coin.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

"I need something to swat you with"

In my last post, I focused on my body hair removal.  She seemed generally excited by "her new husband" and her hands all over my chest and pubic area got me really hot.  Suzy allowed me to penetrate her after she had her orgasm.  It was an intense missionary-style session.  I began penetration and then I realized we didn't have anything to catch my impending "mess".  I don't know exactly how other couples deal with the "wet spot" but our main practice is to place one of my T-shirts underneath her to spare our sheets of the mess (we used to use towels). 

It is mildly submissive for me to have to stop my penetrating to go fetch something.  There are a couple of risks at play here.  I can have a hard time finding what I am looking for, and get frustrated and then start worrying about maintaining my erection.  Suzy's juices can dry up on my cock and then I might have to get some lube (we haven't been using a lot of lube for sex lately, which I suppose means I am giving her good foreplay).  She has at times denied "re-entry" after I've withdrawn my cock, so denial is a possibility.  And, walking around with an erection when I want to be inside her is exciting to me from a "CFNM perspective".

I got the T-shirt and placed it under her.  Then, I resumed my penetration.  I had a fair amount of endurance and was really enjoying it.  Then Suzy brought out her inner domme and said "I need something to swat you with".  I didn't see that coming.  I quickly complied with her demand and got her our purple whip with the many "flexible hairs".  I am not sure how to describe this toy, but it has a hard handle and then hundreds of soft, flexible "hairs" that form the whipping surface.  I enjoy being whipped with this toy during sex because the flexibility of the whipping part allows Suzy to swat wherever she wants.  With a riding crop, for example, she could only smack my ass.  With this toy, she could smack any part that she wanted.
I love Suzy's dirty talking.
So, I returned with this toy and continued my penetration.  I was proud of my endurance, which had gone downhill the past few times she had allowed penetration.  I was in deep "sub space" as she began dirty-talking about how she really wanted to smack my balls as I came.  She focused her energies on directing the blows to my exposed nuts and continued with the dirty talking.  Balls are certainly very vulnerable and open to attack when engaged in intercourse!  The simultaneous pleasure my cock was experiencing and the mild pain from the ball smacking and the dirty talking was deeply exciting to me.  I came not much long after and I recall that I used an enormous amount of profanity.  I think Suzy was a little taken aback by that, but the pleasure I had experienced was so intense, I just "let go".

*  *  *  *  *

We haven't had a session since that night, but I am still thinking about it.  I am trying hard not to "top from the bottom" and submit to her.  I think I've been doing a decent job of that.  Kinky play is an important part of sex for me.  I don't know if she enjoys it only occasionally or if she is uncomfortable about it and needs certain encouragement or needs to be "in the mood".  We have had some conversations that she is uncomfortable doing some things but does it because she thinks I would like it.  I am sometimes confused if I am allowed or encouraged to discuss my kinky desires.  What made this session particularly memorable was that she directed the act.  I did not ask her to swat my balls (which I often ask for); she decided that they needed smacking and directed me to bring something to smack them with.  What a domme!!!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Male Body Hair

Brad Pitt: zero or little chest hair; Suzy is hot for him.
Another celebrity "hotty" for my wife: he's got abs and no chest hair.  And seldom wears shirts.

It's not lost on me that the masculine ideal today seems to be a hairless male chest.  The fitness center has a monthly copy of Men's Fitness or Men's Health (not sure which) and there are a ton of ads and articles with male models: 90% of them are hairless and the other 10% have small patches only.  Nearly all pro wrestlers shave their chest hair.  None of them look like me, having a tremendous amount of chest hair.  That seemed to be the ideal of the 70s: I do recall seeing some images of people like Burt Reynolds and Neil Diamond with absolutely flowing chest hair.  Well, that's more like me.
I could double for Tom's chest
Keep in mind that for years I have trimmed and occasionally shaved my pubic hair.  Over the last several sessions, my Suzy has tried to put her head on my chest to cuddle as we drift off to sleep.  Except that she makes one of those "ew" faces when she does, because she is really in a patch of thick chest hair when she does.  I put two and two together and decided to try to surprise her with a chest shave.

The bummer is that I have fairly sensitive skin.  I am certain that I would get a ton of nicks and burns.  Several months ago I had purchased a hair removal product that is specifically for men from the local pharmacy.  It is a chemical treatment that you add the "lotion" to the area you want to remove hair, wait about 10 minutes and then rub the hair off with a damp washcloth.  The directions recommend that you try a small patch of skin to evaluate sensitivity.  I used the area just above my cock and it seemed pretty good.  Suzy was out with her friends one night, kids were asleep, and I thought I would "go for it".  I had to shorten my chest hair with a pair of scissors and then I applied it: three batches in all.

It was quite messy and time-consuming but Suzy's reaction made it worth it.  She seemed to enjoy it although I am not sure if she "took a test drive" and fell asleep on my chest.  She did rub it repeatedly which I think made us both excited.  She even said something along the lines of "it's like I have a new husband".  We made love and I had a tremendous orgasm.  Here are the pros and cons, from my perspective:

Makes me look younger
Shows off my pec development better (I lift weights 3x per week)
Suzy seems to enjoy it

It really emphasizes my lack of tan
Not sure what the "upkeep" will be
Not sure if there will be stubble; that may be worse than my full "do"
What will other's think?

*  *  *  *  *

Where does femdom fit in here?

I am not sure.  I have been trimming my pubes for a long time.  They are quite long and thick and trimming pubes seems to be relatively "normal" with my generation.  I don't feel awkward going to a doctor with trimmed pubes.  Shaved, I would feel weird.  Less often, I will shave my scrotum.  I enjoy the bareness of it; it feels like I am "fully naked" before Suzy.  There is the pleasant benefit that my cock and balls seem larger without the brush.   

I am quite excited when Suzy shaves her kitty; I always feel compelled to go down on her when she does.  Like a bug to a light.  Lately, she has not been shaving and she hasn't really said why.  It could be that it is too much trouble. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Female Superiority

It's relatively common in the submissive male/dominant female blogsphere to believe that women are inherently better than men. My wife or mistress is smarter/better at making decisions/a better leader or whatever... because she is a woman. I don't really buy it. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. My wife is really good at some things and I am really good at others. As a married couple, we complement each other in many ways.

I will, however, admit that my Suzy has superior orgasms. I can't hold a candle to her ability to climax. From my perspective, her ability to orgasm and the strength of her climax keep getting better. I am amazed at the duration and the intensity of her orgasms. Her "Big-O" last night was about as long as I can remember. My sense is that it was half a minute or so. I love her orgasms. She is a bit of a "showman" in the sense that her "performance" brings me standing at attention (fully erect) begging for an encore. Even though I getting older and have less spontaneous erections than I used to, I am always fully erect - weather she touches me or not - leading up to her orgasms. They are simply fantastic. It seems as if she is just becoming more sexual with age. While she is capable of multiple orgasms, she has generally been stopping at one.
Thought this image (google search on "dominant woman") captured female dominance, emphasized by apparent submissive male nudity.

On the other hand, my orgasms don't seem to last more than a few seconds. They are intense and "ball draining", for sure, but not at the level of my wife's. When I do come, I am "spent" and do not get "horned up" as quickly as I used to. I haven't had an orgasm since May 27th.

Clearly, my wife is superior at receiving sexual pleasure than I am.

*  *  *  *  *

While I have messed up many times in my submission to her (aka, "topping from the bottom"), I have been trying very hard not to suggest bedroom activities.  I am exceedingly horny right now, but I am somewhat pleased with myself that I haven't begged for release or "suggested" that she spank me or anything like that.  I sometimes get the sense that she is testing me to see if I do something along those lines. 

Since my last orgasm, I think the closest I have come to "topping from the bottom" is in my request to self-lock in the chastity cage as a result of my intense horniness.  My Suzy sent me an interesting text stating that overcoming the temptation to jerk off with self-discipline is something she values.  She knows that masturbation is something I want, especially when denied orgasm, and that avoiding this desire is difficult for me.  She has said that she given the choice between jerking off and locking up, she'd prefer lockup.  I kind of screwed up in that she invited me to lockup for a business trip recently.  I didn't really want to on account that I didn't know what would happen with the "new security".  I don't know if she is disappointed that I didn't lock up but rest assured I did not masturbate.  She had at one time suggested a lockup around the Father's Day time period, but I am not sure what her plans might be for that.

Given my intense horniness, I have clearly been fantasizing a lot sexually.  Suzy's orgasm last night was so intense, I let out a "wow, that was enough orgasm for both of us".  I meant that as a compliment to her obvious sexual enjoyment, not to give her an excuse to avoid a male orgasm (as if she needs one, lol).  After her climaxes, Suzy has gently stroked my cock and balls, knee'd me in the balls, and gently caressed my chest and arms.  I am not sure if she has any plans for release or kinky play, but I am really trying to let her control the sex as much as possible. 

Alas, I am very tired now, as I did not sleep well.  I hope I didn't get myself into any trouble....