Friday, March 11, 2011

Transparency

Being completely honest about my sexuality to Suzy over the past few years has been and remains both liberating and scary.  As I discussed in my introductory posts, I have long been intrigued by dominant women but I didn't really put that all together until I read some blogs/message boards containing female domination content.  At that point, the "funny feelings" I got from watching Catwoman tie up Batman just made perfect sense.  It took me a while to get the nerve to discuss my fantasies of her dominating me sexually.  When I explained this to her, I was very nervous but when she was accepting of my feelings, I felt much better.  I think she really needed to absorb that internally for a while.  And we are still working things out in terms of what that might mean.  Is our marriage "female lead"?  That's a very interesting question, but one for another post.

I guess there are a couple ways I am "transparent" to Suzy.  By transparent, I mean that I am honest and vulnerable.  I will tell her my "straight up" thoughts and feelings instead of filtering it in an effort to manipulate her.  This is not easy for men in general.  Many times, my thoughts and fantasies are not in my "best interest".  For example, I have desires for her to deny me orgasm when I am really quite horny.  It doesn't "make sense" and maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and get laid.  But I don't.  I tell her that it turns me on; for example, that I really crave to be locked in a chastity cage during our lovemaking sessions or that the thought of her having sex with another younger stud excites me.
Hard to contain the excitement when I am in front of Suzy

I am physically transparent to her also.  Being completely nude in her presence is very exciting to me.  It feels as if I am being completely open to her, with nothing to hide.  It feels like I am on a roller coaster - it's that exciting - the vulnerability of being naked in front of her and having my sexual excitement be so completely open to her.  She has teased me when I am not erect (which is rare) and if we talk about sex fantasies (her having sex with another male, her telling me I'm about to have my balls smacked), my cock just doesn't lie - it stiffens.  It could be that the contrast with Suzy adds to the excitement for me: it is difficult for me to tell when she's *really* turned on; I only know it for sure when I begin to play with her pussy and notice the wetness.  That is thrilling.  She is hard to read, I am an open book.

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That's what has been on my mind lately: how vulnerable I am being towards her.  I'm not sure what she will do with it, always, but... I suppose that's the thrill... and as Chris Berman says: that's why we play the game!

3 comments:

  1. You are so right. Our cocks perform as very effective lie detectors when it comes to our (formerly) hidden turn-ons. We're just not able to hide them from our women when they come to light.

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  2. Thanks for sharing your comments and vulnerabilities here with us, as well. I'm in the process of sharing my sexuality with my Wife, and it helps to hear how it is going with you. Some progress here, but it is going slowly. :)

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  3. I, too, like the fact that men have a natural indicator on their bodies that tells when they are turned on by something. - I love to feel my husband's cock stiffen (I don't have him naked all the time).

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