Thursday, November 25, 2010

Fun Date Night; good talk, sleeping (almost) nude, and 2 Big O's for her

Our date night went really well.  We went to a restaurant we hadn't been to before and had pretty good timing for the movie we wanted to watch.  We did not make it to the adult toy store.

We had pretty good service.  We typically go to family friendly restaurants and the service isn't always that good.  So that was a nice change of pace.

At any rate, when we got home, we discussed that I would walk around and sleep nude.  She seemed interested in the idea and said that she would go topless, but that I had to keep her warm.  She would have gone fully nude too, but she is still on her period and she chose to wore tight fitting bicycle pants.  They were still pretty sexy.  My wife's breasts are very temperamental.  They are often "too sensitive" and she doesn't always let me play with them.  She did last night.  I massaged her and then she was open to me using the vibrator on her.  She had a powerful orgasm.  I massaged her some more and then she allowed me to use the vibrator a second time.  It was also very powerful.
Suzy wore tight fitting bike shorts to bed...very sexy
She said that she would "take care of me" but I didn't think she really meant it.  She was tired and just fell asleep.  Even though it was exciting to me to watch her have two powerful orgasms, I didn't consider this a true tease and denial.  She can 'actively' deny me or 'passively deny me.  An active denial is when she teases me verbally and/or physically (this is what I prefer).  She teases me by saying how powerful her orgasms were and that it is too bad that she is not allowing me to have one.  She stimulates me either by getting me close to an orgasm or by torturing my balls.  Passive denial is when she accepts the pleasure of an orgasm, but doesn't really say much or touch me substantially, and then she just drifts asleep... kind of like she is too tired to bother with me.  While I do prefer this to a sexless night, I really do enjoy the teasing.  It's kind of a bummer when she doesn't actively deny me.
The Hitachi Magic Wand

We touched a little on our issues we were having.  Essentially, she believes I have anger issues and I am going to see a psychologist today (my first appointment) to see if I can reduce my yelling.  The deal we made was that she and I would create a list of areas we want the other to change and we would work on that.  I am frightened to do this because I have a tendency to be pretty blunt and I am afraid that I will put her too much on the defensive.  I agreed to put something together, most likely today.

During dinner, we did have an interesting discussion on my fantasy of bringing another male into our bedroom play.  It was quite an exciting topic and I got several erections as we spoke about it.  We have had two discussions on this topic now.  Even though it was not a lengthy discussion, it was pretty fruitful in terms of analyzing her thoughts on the topic... and so I have decided to push that off to a subsequent post.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Screwed up

Suzy and I exchanged sexy texts since the day she denied me.  Several times during the day she asked if I was still frustrated and she seemed happy with my affirmative responses.  I told her that I was looking forward to playing again, and that it was up to her if I orgasm.  She pretty much said that I was not going to, but it wasn't really that clear as to whether she would tease me, allow me to give her an orgasm, or what.  She even sent me an IM saying she was thinking about having me locked in the chastity cage (!).

When the "moment of truth" was near, I lit a candle (I've always liked candles), locked the door, stripped naked and got under the bed while she was doing her bed routine in the bathroom.  She came out in her flannel PJs and basically wanted to just cuddle and go to bed.  She blew out the candle, unlocked the door, and slipped into bed.  I tried to kiss her and I rubbed my erection on her (which she likes, except for when I have pre-cum).  I was OK with her denying me orgasm, but I really wanted her to come.  There are times when my desire for her to climax approaches an obsession - even more powerful than my desire for my own sexual release before our female dominant play started.  She just wanted to go to bed and feel my frustration intensify.  I tried to persuade her a few times but she did not want any sex play.

I really didn't handle this well.

While I am submissive, I really don't like to be shot down or disrespected.  Sometimes she will put me down, and I really don't go for that (although I know there are a number of submissive men that do).  I have a number of paradoxes to be sure, but this aspect is one area that I am not that open to.  In retrospect, I felt like she was putting me down and not really acknowledging me (and the sexual frustration that I was going through).  I did not react well, and we had a bit of a fight.  Which could have just ended the matters, with me being frustrated sexually and that's that.

But I screwed up.  We ended up talking and having a rather nasty fight.  There are some relationship stuff that haven't been worked out and that just boiled to the surface when things escalated.

I really am sorry for my reaction.

Trying to humbly apologize for my transgression
One of her subsequent emails said that she is done with the woman lead marriage thing.  We haven't really spoken a lot about that, but that really bums me out.  I really *feel* that is what I need and want.  I think she enjoys it too.  I screwed up by not accepting her decision.  I hope that we can revisit this again.

As it stands, we are going out on a date night tonight.  I have no expectations about anything sexual happening.  I really just hope that we have fun.  I don't really even want to talk about our "issues".  We are in a very very rare circumstance where the kids have sleepovers and we will actually be alone tonight.  Had my screw up not occurred, I would pretty much guarantee that some wild kinky stuff would happen.  We have a number of sex toys what we haven't tried yet.  The one good thing is that we are going to have a dinner AND a movie, and Suzy seemed to be ok with stopping in at the adult bookstore (it is kind of on the way back home, although I am not sure when it might close).  Perhaps she will find a paddle to whip my ass?

The power exchange in the female lead marriage dynamic is very fun for me as a sub hub.
At any rate, I screwed up on several levels.  It's clear that we need to resolve some of the issues that we have.  But I am hoping that I can get her to understand that I want to keep trying the FLR (female lead relationship) dynamic.  I am not sure what I might need to do to convince her of that.  Our sex life has never been better.

So, any feedback on how to get back into the groove would be helpful!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Access Denied

Suzy announced that she had her "monthly visitor" and that she was "out of commision".  This was a litle earlier than I expected.  My first thought was that it had been a LONG time since I had performed cunnilingus on her and it was going to be a bit longer still.  I suggested that we still "play" tonight and she was coy about that.

We watched our weekly show - Desperate Housewives - in our usual manner.  She sat in a chair and I laid at her feet, massaging them most of the show.  During one stretch, she stimulated my cock with her foot.  I was getting pretty aroused and then she stopped and did not continue (althought I continued massaging her feet).  After the show, I pleaded with her to come upstairs to play but she was once again evasive.

Still I feel the footfalls you’ve left on my soul…
I like this picture since it relates to Suzy's enjoyment of foot massage and the male is submissive to the female, naked and under her control

I went to bed and I must have woken up when she came in.  I was having some sort of sexual dream and I started rubbing against her and asked that we play.  She didn't seem interested but I was really horny.  I gently massaged her back and moved to her sides and then to her breasts.  She enjoyed that and I think I was arousing her.  She said that we could play and that I should go lock our bedroom door.  As I was coming back, I took my clothes off and she positioned herself to play with my cock.  Her stimulation was very much like the last time we played.  She jerked my cock and then moved to my balls for some rough ball play.  I told her that it felt like she had total control of my body - and that I loved it.  I was really in submissive heaven.  She was controlling the action and I wasn't trying to influence her actions ("topping from the bottom").  I was putty in her hands.

Forced orgasm.  How many times did he cum? He begged for it and now he’s begging for it to stop.
Suzy has the control!  And I love it!

She teased me in this way for a while.  She then leaned over to kiss me and said "that's all you're getting tonight.  As you would say, 'access denied'."  I was speachless.  She indicated that she wanted to climax, so I quickly got out the Hitachi Magic Wand and awaited her orgasm.  She was clearly aroused and it didn't take long for her to have a long and intense climax.  I carressed her after she had come and she asked if I was frustrated.  I said yes and then she said "good".  I was shaking and she suggested that we might play again the next night.  Not sure what she has in mind, but I am looking forward to it!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Some playtime

Fortunately, Suzy and I had some time to "play" on Friday night.  It started out with some overt "we'll see..." comments from her, which was driving me crazy since it had been a while.

I was naked waiting for her to come out of the bathroom.  My cock got hard with the kissing and such and she started playing with my erection.  It felt SO GOOD to be hard in her presence. I loved it.  There is just something about the vulnerability of being naked and visibly aroused, and her obviously being the source of my excitement.  If I were a woman, I would think that to be the ultimate compliment.

Anyway, we played for a while.  I tried to stimulate her and she seemed to enjoy playing with my cock.  I wasn't sure what she had in mind.  I suggested that she have an orgasm and she didn't seem that interested at first.  One funny "blooper" moment involved my pubic hair getting caught in her engagement ring.  You have to keep a sense of humor about those sorts of things.  It worked out, and after a while, I got the Hitachi Magic Wand out and she came.  It was nice to see her orgasm, since it had been a while.  I got on top of her and wanted to kiss her and she pretty much told me to get off her - she didn't appreciate the "poke" of my erection against her while she was basking in her post orgasm bliss.

I wasn't sure what would happen next.  I fell pretty affectionate with her after she has orgasmed.  I stimulated her (we call it "spider legs' - when you just barely touch the skin - and she likes it the most in her armpits and arms, along her sides and breasts).  We did some kissing and then she started playing with my cock.  I was so hard and so horny at that point.

What followed was a delicious mix of pleasure and pain.  She knows my sexual response pretty well by now, and she can tell when I am getting close to orgasm.  Every time that she sensed I was close to orgasm, she stopped stimulating my cock and got rough with my balls.   The ball torture consisted of either ball slapping or ball squeezing.  I am pretty used to the ball slapping, and kind of crave it.  The squeezing she did felt like she was separating my balls.  She really slowly squeezed my scrotum from my cock down and it felt so tight.  I really liked it.  It felt like she just "manhandled" me.  My submissive nature clearly showed, since I just positioned myself so that she could reach my manhood easier.

She did this a number of times.  I must have been erect for over a half hour.  I have a theory that my orgasms increase in intensity the longer I am erect.  At any rate, she cycled through getting me close to coming and then adding the brakes to my response by torturing my nuts - several times.  At certain points, I could only just moan.  She didn't say much during this session, and after a while she sat up and used both hands: one on my cock and the other slapping my balls.  I could tell that she was going to slap until I came, and I did come.  It was a long orgasm, with a slight delay in the peak.  I think the first few spurts dribbled out and then I launched some semen to my neck, and onto one of our pillows.  She was not happy about that.  At any rate, it was a great orgasm.  I was unable to move for a while.  Time stood still.  She took the vibe out for a second orgasm and it sure didn't seem like it took her long.  I guess she was excited by her dominant act.

I think she has him right where she wants him.
I think he is happy with this arrangement.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Cock and Ball Torture

I don't have iron balls or anything, I can collapse into the fetal position if my child whacks me in the nuts.  But when I am sexually aroused, my family jewels can take a lot of abuse.  And Suzy seems to enjoy this and that's a-ok with me.

One time during our dating period, we were walking around Suzy's hometown in a semi-public place.  I asked her to reach into my pants and squeeze my balls.  For some reason, I wanted her to squeeze them harder and harder.  She was getting a little nervous that she was going to hurt me but I kept wanting her to try a little bit further.

During our exploration of female domination/male submission, Suzy started playing with with slapping my balls.  In a particularly erotic session, she declared that she was going to jack me off to orgasm but that she was going to slap my balls harder and harder until I ejaculated.  She meant what she said.  For some reason, I had some extra endurance that day, and she was really quite rough on my nuts.  It was seriously hurting me and I wanted to come so bad to stop the pain.  I would tell her that she was hurting me, and she would say things like "ah, I'm not hitting them that hard"; "come on, take it like a man"; "I'm going to really starting hitting harder if you keep complaining like that".  I was in submissive heaven with that verbal teasing that went along with the physical stimulation.  She controlled the intensity of the play completely.  I finally did climax and it felt like a big relief that the ball torture stopped.  But the thrill of being controlled was incredible.  I love it.  I loved how it was something she decided to try and did it, without really asking me.  I don't believe, apart from that initial experience in Suzy's hometown, that i had asked her to torture my balls.  But, perhaps paradoxically, I am glad she does.  It seems to be her kink, and I am glad that she wants to explore this in our sex play.

Ball torture is pretty common for us now.  If we are having intercourse, she can reach around and swat my scrotum or sometimes I get some sort of implement like a whip.  Other times, it's a small part of foreplay and then we move on to something else.  She often will include ball torture when she denies me orgasm.  This can be particularly hot for me as a subhub.  I remember a session when I spent a lot of time massaging her and then giving her all the female orgasms she wanted.  She started a pretty intense ball torture session which lasted quite some time.  She stopped and then told me that was all for now and it was time to go to bed.  I rather sheepishly whipped the pre-cum from my erect dick, put on my pajamas and cuddled her.  The contrast put me in "subspace".  I massaged her for maybe an hour and brought her to two orgasms, and she whacked my nuts, denied me an orgasm and then told me to go to bed.

She doesn't do a lot of cock torture.  She likes me to be erect and she will often regenerate my erection if it subsides during her torture session.  But she focuses most of her attention on my balls.  One things we've tried with cock torture is for her to take my erection and bend it down and let it go like a rubber band.  Sometimes during our play she will whip my dick and my balls.

This may not sound appealing to some men.  I don't doubt that:
  • She loves me
  • She does not want to physically hurt me.
  • Her exploration of cock and ball torture is something she wants to explore, not something I have begged and pleaded for.
  • If I sincerely was in pain, she would recognize it herself and slow down.
  • She seems to have a pretty good handle on my thresholds.  She knows that once I make a certain comment or a certain moan, she can push it a little bit harder.  She seems to like to push my limits, which I really like because she is in control.
  • Cock and ball torture has increased our intimacy.
 When you read about S&M play, they emphasize the importance of a "safe word".  We don't have one.  One of my recurring sex fantasies is that she ties me down with a  ball gag so I cannot speak and she tortures me.  I would have no way of communicating if I was in too much pain; rather, she decides what I can handle.

*  *  *  *  *
I have asked Suzy about why she enjoys cock and ball torture (CBT) so much.  She loves the control over me and the power that it gives her.  I lift weights 3x per week and can get up and leave if I wanted to.  But I don't.  In fact, I usually will reposition myself to make the CBT easier for her.  I wouldn't want her to strain her arm torturing my nuts.  How perfect is that - I love submitting and she loves domination!

What do I get out of it?  I like her controlling me.  I like the unpredictability of what she will do, how long and how hard she will push it.  The pleasure I get from CBT is more psychological than physical.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Hung Like a Horse

Hung Like a Horse!
We have had a bit of a rough patch lately (what couple doesn't?) and things have been "on hold" for a little while.  I think it's important to still keep your sense of humor.  I was taking a child to a party the other day, through an adjacent town that I seldom visit.  It's a rural area and there were a fair amount of horses.  I was minding my own business and happened to see that one of the horses had an erection.  It didn't seem like it was about to mount a female horse... so I assumed that it was "morning wood".  It struck me how freaking huge it was - almost 2 feet long.  It was really hard NOT to notice.  I sent a text to Suzy about it, saying that I felt so inadequate after seeing that.  This became a bit of a recurring joke throughout our day.  Since we have not been sexual in a while, I'm really quite horny.  I had been getting a lot of (partial) erections throughout the day, mainly thinking about our recent sex times and things I'd like to blog about.  She would text me things like "wow, you are deprived if you are looking at horse cock".  Another time, she said something like "wow, that's big... like horse big" when referring to something totally nonsexual, as a soft tease on my  prior observation.

I enjoy being teased like that.  Teasing can have a lot of different forms: verbal teasing, physical teasing and visual teasing.  When we were dating, she used to physically tease me a lot.  She would be just barely brush my genitals and I would be so frustrated.  It drove me insane.  In playing out my more submissive side in our sexual relationship, I have found that I rather enjoy her teasing me in a way that so frustrated me earlier.  I supposed that a lot of things depend on your perspective.  When we were dating, I wanted sexual release in a bad way.  Perhaps I was at my "sexual prime" and just an overall horndog.  Now, I am less focused on getting a sexual release than I am in her control over me.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Female Underwear

Not particularly sexy female underwear

My Suzy will sometimes belittle the importance of lingerie by saying "what's the point - it's just going to come off".  There is a big point.  Don't get me wrong, I love it when she emerges into our bedchamber in the nude.  It is awesome.  It's like she's saying "I want to get it on, NOW!".  That kind of sexual confidence is appealing.  But let's face it.... usually, there is going to be a lot of massaging, kissing, caressing, and groping before the juices are flowing.  That's foreplay.  I'm a red-blooded dude.  I am visual.  I love seeing her in sexy outfits that accentuate her femininity.  As I had said in my previous post on men's underwear, it's sort of like having a present that is nicely wrapped.  It's a bit mysterious getting to the point of her intimate apparel and working her up to a crescendo of female foreplay and then finally taking it off and diving into the good stuff.

Here's your basic female underwear options:

Hmmmm, what to choose?
It's a big plus to have the bra and panties match.  Colors: white is usually not that sexy, but bright colors are.  I think I like purple and black the best.  I am definitely attracted to thongs.  They are super sexy.

I am not super big on bras.  As long as they show cleavage, they are alright by me.  My wife is well endowed and so they look great in pretty much anything.  I do think that jog bras are particularly sexy:

Let's get physical...

Bikinis should get a special mention since they they are a) awesome; b) similar to panties.  I'm sure to have a special post for the awesomeness of bikinis.  Years ago, Suzy had a "monokini".  It is purple and it has a similar shape as this:

What I really liked about it was that it was super sexy.  And that you could slip off the top part and play with her breasts very easily.  It is somewhat of an inside joke to us how terrible I am in undoing her bra!  In any case, it's the kind of "swimwear" that never saw water: which means it's "for me".  One thing I didn't like about it is how difficult it can be to take the bottom off to get to her pussy.  Once we've progressed with foreplay, and I want to stimulate her nether regions, it kind of disrupts the flow to undo it.  Which leads me to this:
Easy eject panties
I don't think Suzy has any of these types of underwear.  I would like to "unlatch" them for easy access.

I guess I've shown that I enjoy Suzy's feminine clothing.  The mo' feminine, the mo' better.  I love to caress her panties during foreplay and feel the labia as I'm trying to get her excited.  I love how she has no bulge.  Awesome.  I joke with her and call her pussy the most important bit of real estate in our family.  That's wear it all happens.  It is a work of art.

* * * * * * *

One quick note: I am not interested in wearing women's clothes.  I have gathered that a fair amount of submissive men want to wear panties and such.  To each his own.  I don't have any strong feelings about that... it's just not for me.