Thursday, September 30, 2010


There she blows!
I was pretty tired the next night after having the most extreme torture and denial session yet.  I thought about it all day during work.  I had a number of partial erections during the day and I thought about how she took control of my cock and how sexy it was that she decided I didn't "need" to come.

Anyway, I was pretty tired and started going to bed, but Suzy was busy with something on the computer.  I was hoping we could play again, but not sure.  She locked the door and then started getting ready for bed herself.  I get a Pavlovian dog response when she locks the door.  That means she wants to do some sex play.  I am pretty sure that I can get erect by just hearing that sound.  She crawled into bed and started playing with my cock.  I took my shorts off and positioned myself so that she was in a comfortable position to interact with my parts.  It feels soooo nice to be naked and erect with her.  She started into some more ball smacking, just like the night before.  I am a very visual person and it is interesting to see how hard I am when she plays with me.  She got me pretty worked up and then wanted some female attention.  I guess smacking my nuts is foreplay for her?  Lol!

Our kissing was pretty intense and then I asked her if she wanted to come - and she was really enthusiastic about having another orgasm.  I gladly got out the vibrator and finally got the positioning right.  I know I've said this before... but she is just so darn sexy when she climaxes.  I love it.  I was wondering if she was going to torture me more or just go to sleep.  She surprised me by asking me to come between her boobs.  I enthusiastically complied.  We don't do this that often, but I think it's very sexy when she takes her D-cups and smooshes them together while I pump away at her cleavage.  Very sexy.  I love my wife's body.  Her breasts are just awesome.  I don't think it toom me very long but I had a really great orgasm.  I am sure that my load was pretty huge.  What a great wife!

A pearl necklace!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Teased, Tortured, and Denied

My wife may not need mine anymore...
We had an intense session last night.  I discussed a fantasy with Suzy the day before and we exchanged a ton of teasing during the day via texts.  I was a little nervous about how intense this might be.  Suzy enjoys cock and ball torture.  Well, we enjoy cock and ball torture.  This, like a lot of other things that excite me, is a bit paradoxical.  Like most men, my genitals are really sensitive.  If a child accidentally whaps me in the nuts, I can be down for a few minutes in pain and agony.  When I am sexually aroused (which is an awful lot lately), I can take a lot of abuse down there.  And Suzy likes dishing it out.  I think it makes her feel powerful and she likes my reactions.  I not only let her smack my nuts, I typically position myself so that my genitals are exposed and within easy striking distance.

I enjoy how much she enjoys doing this.  She really worked me over last night.. probably the most intense sessions we've had.  After I did the dishes, put away the laundry, and massaged her feet and back, I was naked in bed and was literally erotic by the time she slipped into bed.  I love the teasing that she does... she says things like, "awww, that wasn't so hard, what are you complaining about?", and sometimes calls me a wimp.  I was way more sensitive on the right side of my scrotum, and she called it my "sissy ball".  Things like that really put me into "sub space".  After a good bit of torture, she seemed worked up and took a break.  I asked her if she wanted to come, and she said yes.  Torturing my balls served as foreplay for her.  Yes, I guess she likes torturing me.

Suzy has her (unwelcomed) monthly visitor, so options for female orgasms are more limited.  The Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator did the trick.  Her orgasm did seem pretty intense and long.  She looked really sexy in her post orgasm bliss.  I love the look on her face when she is sexually satisfied.  She's hot.

I massaged her and kissed her afterwards.  I asked her if she was done playing with her cock and she said no.  That made me think that she might allow me to ejaculate.  I asked because at this point, I was dripping pre-cum all over the place (which she doesn't like, lol).  I really tried very hard not to pressure her into a decision about whether she would allow me to come or not.  I like giving that control to her.  I kept thinking that it's her cock and she knows what's best, when it needs to come and when it should be denied orgasm.

She likes feeling my cock against her.  After a bit of kissing and rubbing, I asked her if she wanted another orgasm.  She wasn't super enthusiastic (I sure was!) but she allowed me to go for #2.  She came hard and long again.  I think she is glad that she had the second orgasm.

I was a little confused as to whether she'd let me come or not.  I usually get to come on Sunday night ahead of the work week.  I guess this is a weird subhub ritual, to try to read into what she says to see if she has decided my orgasmic fate.  She ultimately thought it "best for both of us" to deny me.  That was that.  I put away all the sex toys (vibe, and various paddles / floggers / feathers), got dressed, and cuddled her until she slept.  I love cuddling her, especially after she has orgasmed.  She seems so peaceful and happy when sexually satisfied.

We had a brief discussion on her thoughts about my denial length.  She initially said "Saturday" and then giggled.  We shall see.  One thing is for sure: I am thinking of her a lot!  My "morning wood" lasted a lot longer than normal, thinking of the hot session we had last night.  Writing this entry has made me think of a lot of other possible entries for the future...

Sunday, September 26, 2010


Loving couple on the beach, talking about their future

Yesterday morning felt like a good time to pause and have my beloved look at my blog and provide any feedback she might have.  She initially resisted because (I think) she thought I was up to something nefarious.  I had spoke to her about writing a blog before, so the concept wasn't new to her.  However, I think she was surprised that I had gone to the trouble of doing so.  She told me that she did read the entirety of my posts and gave me this feedback:

  • She was impressed with my honesty, especially about my masturbation.  I used to suppress things from her - things like that - out of fear of rejection.  But since we've had the talk about my desire to submit to her, and she was very accepting of that, I have found it very freeing to be honest about everything.  It is really quite freeing to discuss your fantasies and desires with your partner. 
  • She seemed to enjoy it overall.  I think she felt like it was a diary of sorts, and that's also how it feels to me.
  • She was concerned about the use of photos and whether they might be copyrighted.  I don't know the answer to that, but will do some research.  My initial inclination is that since I have no intention of making a profit through their use, that it's probably ok.  I really quite enjoy trying to find images that are relevant to what I'm writing about.  I've always loved photography, and this is a good avenue to explore that.
  • She seemed interested in seeing others' comments about my blog.  I have not received any to date, and I am not sure if anyone has actually seen it yet.  I wonder what people generally do to advertise their blog to develop "followers".  I guess that's a marketing type of thing.  Perhaps I will "follow" other blogs and see if I can solicit comments that way.
  • She wanted to ensure some anonymity.
When I'm not having sex, I love discussing it.  I see this blog as a good outlet to get my thoughts down and share them in an organized manner.

It's probably time to assign names.  My beloved is Suzy and I am Paul.


Making her ready for a female orgasm
Elephants have historically symbolized chastity

Suzy did ask me this morning if I had posted something, which I had not.  She wanted me to write about my sexual frustration.  I don't feel like I've covered our journey yet such that a reader would follow and appreciate the extent of this frustration yet.  I have in mind a number of posts (in the future) to bring that around.  Suffice it to say, that I am quite sexually frustrated right now.  She likes this... a lot.  She likes that I think of her and that she has control to keep me more frustrated or to release me.  I discussed a pretty intense fantasy that I've been having lately with Suzy and she seems keen on exploring it.... hopefully tonight.  It would definitely be blog material.

Now, to tie the photo above into this post.  I just found the two elephants in a seemingly loving embrace.  I love how their trunks form a heart shape.  I think it's a fantastic photo. 

Elephants actually do have a symbolic relationship to chastity (and, I'm inferring, frustration).  I was reading a male chastity forum once (long time ago) and I recall a thread where a sub was looking for tattoo ideas related to his chastity commitment.  A suggestion was an elephant, because the female elephants have a particularly long gestation period.  I did a quick Wikipedia check and that did seem to fly.  A female elephant carries her young for 22 months, which is the longest of any mammal.  I guess the supposition is that the male elephant does not have intercourse with her when she is pregnant.  I'm guessing from the Wikipedia entry that elephants do not have a lot of sex.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Wife 2, Husband 1

Movie moans ... Meg Ryan
"I'll have what she's having"
Once I have an orgasm, I'm done.  I roll off and "bask" in the awesomeness and for a few minutes, all is right in the world.  Usually, I'm ready for sleep at this time.  Bear in mind that with a demanding job and multiple kiddos, we are usually not fully charged when we get around to some husband-wife alone time.

One time while basking in the glow of orgasmic bliss, she paused for a few moments - having just reached sexual nirvana herself - and then picked up 'her' trusty vibrator and sailed off to another orgasm, sans me.  I was checked out, and as they might say in professional sports, on the 'physically unable to perform' list.  I was miffed.  Heeeeeeeyyyyyy, what are you doing?

"I'm having another orgasm", she said.

"Why?  Isn't one enough... that's all I get?", I whined.

"Nope, I wanted another one", she responds.  "Besides, I'm just catching up.  Think of all the times you jacked off when you were a teenager".

I couldn't understand why she "needed" to have another orgasm.  We were probably having sex 2-3 times per week, with a 1:1 relationship in # of orgasms.  At this point, she was consistently orgasmic (which wasn't always the case).  I was a) jealous of her ability to climax more than once in a session [since I can't... or only during "vacation sex"]; b) not understanding: if you need more orgasms, why don't we bump up the frequency?

I really didn't play this right, on a number of counts.  First, if she is capable of orgasming twice (or more), what harm does it do me?  None.  Second, her taking matters into her own hands and going for #2 demonstrates a sexually confident woman, who knows what she wants and makes it happen.  Confidence is very sexy.  Third, she was right about me jacking off.  I am pretty sure I started masturbating in 8th grade, and I have been a 'regular' since then.  Fourthly, I more fully recognized how much I admire the complete beauty of a climaxing wife.  I am sure that I will post  more about that down the road...

Women Come first... and sometimes Hubby doesn't at all...

An Officer and a Gentleman
A gentlemen always takes care of his lady's needs first
 For the first ~15 years of our marriage, we settled into a pattern of missionary sex that ended when I ejaculated.  My wife had a favorite penis shaped vibe (well actually, like Lassie, we had to replace it periodically when they would die... but that's a good thing, lol!!!) that she used to place on her clitoris while I penetrated her.  Wow, we had some fun times with that!  Periodically, we would come at the same time.  My wife tends to enjoy having both vaginal (G-spot) and direct clit stimulation.  Like a lot of wives, she rarely comes from penetration alone.

So, that's how we "did it".  I would try my best to last until she came.  I really was disappointed in myself if  I couldn't hold off until she climaxed.  I think this was really quite satisfying sex for both of us.

Then, along came a fateful night.  At a relative's house, of all places.

We visited a relative from out of state.  I think at the time we didn't have a whole lot of money, but we paid for a few nights at a nice beach-side resort, and the plan was to enjoy the reunion celebration, stay a night or so at my relative's house, and then travel back home.  Our family (me, wife, and kids) were in a single room and there was no hanky panky happening between us.  As the vacation went on, we found ourselves getting hornier and hornier.  Let's face it: vacation usually means "vacation sex".  And we weren't gettin' any.  Usually, that kind of thing only gets to me, the husband, but my wife started feeling amorous also.  We would still some kisses, and some loving grabs and gropes, but that's about it.

So, it was time to leave the resort and get back to my relative's house for a night or two before our flight back home.  We both felt like rabbits in heat.  We needed to screw.  It's vacation time, for crying out loud!  Really, we did this to save money.  But I would have paid triple for a few hours to have some time to get busy with my wife!

It was pretty unmistakable that something needed to happen.  We were put up in the middle of a room on the floor.  Zero privacy!  Lots of other family members elsewhere in the house.  This was NOT looking good.  I can't tell you how horny we both were.  I have a really high sex drive, and I am just about always horny.  But my wife was horny!

We lay on the floor whispering to each other how much we wanted to screw.  Not make love, screw.  We kissed some and we groped.  We were like teenagers with a split second alone.  Wife was not comfortable taking the chance of doing it.  We could get walked in on, and this would be embarrassing for years to come.  She didn't want to give me a handjob because of the mess it would make.  Then, we would have to find something to clean up with, etc.  While this 'negotiation' was going on, I started playing with her pussy.  She was wet.  Deliciously wet.  My finger was well lubed from her arousal and I started fingering her clit.  I had never fingered her to orgasm before.  Recall our pattern: dick in pussy, vibe on clit and hope I last long enough for her to come.

I fingered her like there was no tomorrow.  I wanted her to come so bad.  She did.

She seemed really very happy after her orgasm.  For the reasons explained above - namely that I would have made too much of a mess - she did not return the favor.  That's how sex had always ended.  I couldn't believe how aroused I was that she came and I didn't.  I was sexually frustrated and I'm sure I had pre-cum all over my shorts.  Her climax didn't make me less horny - it made me hornier.  But still it was strangely arousing to me that she came and I didn't.  As a male, it has always been important to me that I satisfy my wife.  There is an element of pride in it.  I felt good about myself giving her an orgasm.  But it also felt strangely erotic for me to fall asleep erect and frustrated... but her very happy.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Beginnings: Did Catwoman Turn me into a Submissive?

Catwoman playing with a toy she has trapped.  Meow!

I used to love watching the campy Batman TV show.  Whenever I was staying home sick I would always watch it (that and the Monkeys and Gilligan's Island).  I remember thinking how corny it was and how ridiculously convoluted the villains' schemes were.  And I remember feeling 'funny' whenever Catwoman came on, and especially when she was using her charms to seduce Batman to her (criminal) advantage.  The dynamic between them was erotic.  Here is this super hero who can defeat 10 thugs by himself (Robin never seemed to help much, lol!) but he was captivated and controlled by a dominant female half his size!  I felt especially 'funny' when Batman was tied up.

The villain having the upper hand was always prevalent in the Bond films, which I love for many of the same reasons as Batman.  And I also felt 'funny' when he was somehow at the mercy of a villains.  One of the better examples of this is Fatima Blush from Never Say Never Again (which is one of my favorite Bond films).  She is about to finish him off and tries to get him to say that she was the best woman he had ever slept with.  Of course, Bond finds a gadget that helps him to escape from the jam, but Fatima was definitely a dominant woman.

Dominant, confident women seemed to hit me in a way that I really didn't understand because I was too young and too naive.  I guess I was just pre-programmed to be a pussycat's toy!

It looks like Catwoman just devoured Batman!!!

Keeping things Balanced

It's really hard to keep our lives in balance: work, household, kids, spiritual life... and our relationship with our spouse

I am a professional thirty-something husband and father who loves his wife and family.  Our relationship has had its ups and downs like every other but now, after 15+ years of marriage, we are really having the time of our lives.  A lot of that had to do with me discovering that I am a submissive man.  I am really quite competitive (have been my whole life) and certainly no wimp.  I found that I enjoy submitting to my wife.  Surrendering to her gives me the rush that I got from our courtship days.  Is she going to let me kiss her?  Is she going to tell me she loves me?  How far will she let me go tonight?  Just the thought of that frightening time makes my heart beat just a little faster.  You could call it the thrill of the hunt, but I am the game, and she is the huntress.
A huntress taking aim at her prey
Our exploration of male submission and female dominance began about a year ago, but there were clues along the way, going back to my childhood, that seem to tie this all together, making my submissiveness feel like it's always been a part of me.  I started this blog to explore this.  It's really for my wife.  It's another tool for us to communicate our private thoughts.  First we sent emails.  Kids now check that.  Then it was facebook.  Kids get on and play those infernal games too.  Then, we traded texts.  My newer office has bad reception, so that doesn't always do the trick.  I hope this will work.

I hope to post some of my thoughts on our marriage, our relationship dynamic (which has ebbed and flowed as a "female lead relationship" or "wife lead marriage"), our chaotic family life, and possibly venture into spiritual matters.  Thanks for reading.  Cheers!